confession: anonymous reader

i limit myself into only two posts per day.. but i really need to write this one.

the confession: i have been browsing the blogs of my "supervisors".

okay.. so, i don't really see the harm there. or the wrong thing i've done, for that matter.. but i just don't want to be caught. or i don't want them to know that i know their blogs and that i can read whatever they have been writing lately.

our account has a lot of "history". and are still conjuring a lot.. i'm not sure if i'm already part of it.. but i doubt if i'm not. because they're really good at it. well, not just the sups.. most of the people.. but don't take me wrong, i do love these people.

maybe, it's just that, if i'm caught viewing their blogs, i wouldn't know what to say.. or how should i react. or if they ask, "what are you reading?!?" i can't just answer, "your blog." and it would be a big insult to their intelligence to say, "nothing."

so, here, i opted to view it at home.. and now, i've learned a lot more! i haven't read much though.. just identified who they are in real life.. and maybe, if i would get the urge again, i would visit their entries and know what's hapenning..

i really meant to get just a quiz.. but, curiousity got the best of me.. so there!

now, i'm thinking, if they were in my shoes.. and i learned that they have been viewing or reading my blog.. well, goodluck in deciphering! heheheheheh! this is actually the most transparent entry i've ever done. and i don't really mind. they would just end up assuming.. and most of the part, they would assume wrongfully.

i even had a friend, who i thought, was able to read right through me, read my entries here. and he was nothing but baffled. he said that he can't seem to figure it out. well, actually.. that's how my thoughts really are.. it's something you can't really figure out. because i, myself, am confused about it. heheheh! there are a lot of context clues though.. but you need to stick around long enough to know.

so, back to my confession.. okay.. what are blogs for anyway.. they sort of serve to be a diary or a journal, but you write it knowing that they're for public viewing.. so.. what would you really feel if someone is reading it.

okay.. this all started because a friend of mine thought that one of these bloggers wrote an entry about me. and it's really far from a positive note.. so, i read the entry and then, discovered, although the description would really depict me.. it wasn't me. i'm a hundred and one percent sure..

it's really scary to be part of their world. i really want to go back. but i'm already here. there must be a reason. i have found one already.. but i can't find the reason for having that reason. so, it's like i'm back to square one. plus, i can't get my mind off my jinx!

oh well.. that would be a totally different story.. haaay.. missed writing!

my clones

34 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions

34 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions
Ever, BE HONEST.

1. What do you want for your Birthday?
a surprise party

2. Who will be your next kiss?
he doesn't want it

3. When was the last time you went to
the mall?
was that about a week ago, with my mom and brother, when shoe shopping at trinoma and watched HP5

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
nope

5. When was the last time you went out
of town?
june.. hindi counted yung nung weekend kasi taga-bulacan rin ako..

6. Have you been to the movies in the
last 5 days?
nope.. :(

7. What was the last thing you had to
drink?
water..

8. What are you wearing right now?
shorts and shirt.. pambahay

9. What was your last purchase?
i forgot!! can't think of it.. was it shoes?! kung counted ang food, breakfast

10.What was the Last food you at ate?
tropical hut's corned beef breakfast meal

11. Who would be the person you would
call if you were up in the middle of
the night and couldn't sleep?
he wouldn't answer the call..

12. Have you bought any clothing items
in the last week?
nope..

13. do you have a pet?
none

14. What was the last sporting event
you saw?
can't remember!! waaah!

15. If you could be anywhere right now,
where would you be?
in his dreams.. bwahahahahahahahahah!
hmmm.. beach!

17. One thing you hate about yourself?
complicated

18. What's your favorite soup?
sopas! bwahahahah!

19. Do you miss anyone?
a lot..

20. Last play you saw?
anatomiya ng korupsyon.. while my alternate was on

21. What are your plans for the day?
go to work.. and work.. haaay.. get that accomplished feeling.. and read HP7!

22. Last person you msg'd?
text?!? didn't reply, so why bother?! ym.. roy

23. Ever go to camp?
yeah.. never like i imagined

24. Are you an honor roll student in
school?
shamefully, yeah...

25. What do you know about the (your)
future?
i'll grow old alone.. so, i want to die young..

26. Are you wearing any perfume or
cologne?
it wore off already..

27. Where are your best friends
located?
haaaay...

28. What grade are you in?
technically, in college.. practically, working!

29. How old do you want to be when you
have kids?
old enough to send them to school..

30. Who was the last person who made
you cry?
i rarely cry now.. scary..
so, the last would be, myself

31. Do you have any tattoos or
piercings?
nothing out of the norm

32. Who makes you smile?
whomever i choose to make me smile..

33. How do you like your soda?
ice cold!

34. Do you like hot sauce?
a lot! the hotter the better! hehehhehe!

a little step back to my college days

1. ANO'NG STUDENT NUMBER MO?
* 2001101945

2. ANO ANG FIRST CHOICE MO NA COURSE?
* Computer Engineering

3. SECOND CHOICE?
* wala

4. ANO COURSE MO NA NATAPOS?
* wala pa! bwahahahah! pero ComEng pa rin..

5. NAG-SHIFT KA BA?
* hindi po

6. CHINITO/CHINITA KA BA?
* hindi noh!

7. NAKAPAG-DORM KA BA?
* since day one!

8. NAKA UNO KA BA?
* never.. pero di sila naniniwala na never..

9. NAG-KA 3 KA NA BA?
* oo naman!

10. LAGI KA BANG PUMAPASOK SA KLASE?
* hindi!

11. MAY SCHOLARSHIP KA BA?
* once, for one term, academic scholar.. half lang..

12. ILANG UNITS NA ANG NAIPASA MO?
* di ko alam.. basta 60 to go..

13. NANGARAP KA BA NA MAG-CUM LAUDE?
* hindi.. wanted to enjoy my college life..

14. FAVE PROF
* sir resty.. astig!

15. WORST TEACHER:
* sir sy! bwahhahah!

16. FAVE SUBJECT/S:
* logic circuits 2

17. WORST SUBJECT:
* feasib.. bakit ba may ganon?! OJT na lang!

18. FAVE BUILDING:
* hmmm... south.

19. PABORITONG KAINAN:
* manang chicken.. tapos naging kantunan.. tapos.. wala na! yosi na lang!

20. NUNG ESTUDYANTE KA PA MAGKANO BA
ANG BINABAYAD MO SA JEEP?
* bwahahahah! Php 6.00

21. LAGI KA BA SA LIBRARY?
* hindi noh!

22. NAGPUNTA KA BA SA CLINIC NUN?
* madalas dati.. as in tulog lang!

23. MAY CRUSH KA BA SA CAMPUS?
* marami!

24. ANU-ANO ANG MGA NAGING PE MO?
* hmmm.. dance tsaka sports something.. the rest, ticket na!

25. KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG BLOCK NYO?
* okay lang.. mga graduate na sila..

26. MEMORIZE MO BA ANG ALMA MATER SONG
NIYO?
* chorus lang.. actually "M and the I and the T" lang..

27. MEMBER KA BA NG VARSITY TEAM?
* good luck!

28. NAKA-PERFECT KA NA BA NG EXAM?
* opo.. sobrang pawis ang tumagaktak..

29. DITO KA BA NATUTONG UMINOM NG BEER?
* not really.. pero dito nahasa! kampai rules!

30. DITO KA BA UNANG NAINLOVE?
* hindi una.. pero pinaka matindi.. oo

okay -- not!

i'm not really in the mood to write. i would rather listen to songs or read HP7. but i'm here writing.

okay, i'm confused, but not really.. i'm hating chito, but not exactly.. i'm even talking to him right now. i'm missing stitch, a lot! but, i don't actually want to see him right now. i like being with kingkong.. but i don't want to be together with him.

talk about confused! and i call myself okay..

and i'm all bringing it to fate and chance.. then choice.

haaay... loving my friends. rather new. the old ones are out of reach. i think. or maybe because they're sort of involved or would just bring complications more.

oh well.. i think as long as i consider myself "okay", i'm fine.. right?!

naaaah!

right timing

i received this text message last night from mommy joey of rushers ml. and it was perfect. i forwarded it. nothing follows.. not much, i hope.. hehehehe!

Take chances, take a lot of them.. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be... Your mistakes make who you are... You learn to grow with each choice you make... Everything is worth it... Say how you feel always... Be you, and be okay with it...

there you go! think!

wanted: the incredible absorbing man

okay.. i just really wanted to have that title in one of my entries.

it's not a hundred percent suited to what i want to say or feel, but it can suffice...

going home no longer feels like going home. (i just want to let that out.)

i'm not so sure where i am again. i can be lost. i'm sort of in a cross road, that seem to lead to one place. misery. and it's not like i'm not in it yet.

there are things i want to sort out. but i don't want to be thinking about it. i want to write through it. but i'm afraid to see what would come out. although, most of the time i've been doing it.

i guess, let's just focus on the title..

haaay.. the incredible absorbing man. i actually think i've found him. but he will also lead me to misery, in a way.

but life is not perfect. there are a lot of factors in it that would make you happy and a lot that would make you sad.

Parokya Ni Edgar - Absorbing Man

You can beat me up,
Call me names
Steal my bike, go insane
I don't care if you rearrange
My face, I don't mind

You can burn my toys
And the books I read
Still it won't matter to me
Cause with one big gulp
I'll swallow it up and smile, oh yeah

Chorus:
Because I'm the incredible absorbing man
And I'm gonna do the best I can
Till you finally understand

I am calm, I'm serene
Not a word is getting through to me
When you scream

I'm a sponge.I soak it up
All the crap you put me through
Won't make me give up

I will never falter, I will never quit
You'll never find another
Who'll put up with your shit

okay.. so, i really don't do these things.. but what really hit me a lot "You'll never find another who'll put up with your shit" . but the shit described in the song is sooo not my shit.. bwahahahahahahah!

haaaay... bad trip! i want to write about what's really bothering me.. but then again, i'm here at home. so, i'm borbaded with the )&**&^^$%^#@#$%^*%)*&*&%$#@#$$!!

haaaay...

working it out

friends - unexclusive dating (but no intimate physical contact)

as complicated as it may seem, it's better that we have something to hold on to..
maybe this is what we're really looking for.

i'm starting to smile again.. for real.

love advice

i'm again in search for the right words to hear.. and then, i would realize, all along i have been shouting them at the back of my mind..

i can't be the one to say good bye.. i would just come back. i need to be the one left behind.. so, i can't follow.

waiting.. it's killing me..

para akong nangangapa sa dilim, but in reality, sobrang nakapikit lang ako..

i'm really afraid to open my eyes..

so, i go blame the darkness..

but where will this leave me?

i will look like a fool..

but i am a fool.. pretending to be sane..

back to square one..

but i live in square one.

drowning in invisible tears

it hurts. but i can't cry.
"you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.."

i want this to end, but i'm afraid how..

i no longer mind being alone. it's better to be lonely alone, than lonely with someone..

i guess i'm ready for solitude now. i've accepted the fact that i would grow up alone.

love is wasted on me.

i'm back to the lonely me. but i decide not to leave the stage. the show must go on. the back stage is on fire. good thing i have my make-up and costume on.

shrek the third

Online Videos by Veoh.com

my song..

Unfaitful
Rihanna

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore (anymore)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)

No no no no

Yeah yeah yeah

i love you. goodbye.

this was the content of the note Larry left Ally..
this is like something we both have right now..
i can't fight anymore. it's not that i'm tired.. but it's just the way to be. stop and walk away.
my one reason to stay doesn't suffice anymore.. in fact, i think this was the reason i was looking for to leave.

so i guess, this is it. for once and for all.. i love you. good bye.

back from hiatus

haay.. a lot of things already happened.. and it has been just about a little more than a month..

wanted to play key words.. but that would really take a very long time.. and i really think the key words won't suffice..

okay.. i can't help it..

friends summer emotion love life

bwahahahahah! how general can i get?!

it's good to be back on line!

try to walk away and i stumble

and when i thought i was waiting in vain. when i was a day close to settling everything.. there he goes.

his message was so insecure. i'm not really expecting that from him. i always thought he was so certain that i would not walk away..

so, i stumbled.

eytsphee~

sobb

this scene made me sob. i was not able to do that for a long time already. i know how emotional ally mcbeal can make me, but i did not expect that i would be actually sobbing. and i really can't imagine that i would be sobbing because of a nelle porter scene.

Elaine comes to Richard (who is standing next to Nelle) and says they are having a problem with John. She says he's in the unisex and he just keeps dismounting. They all go to the unisex where they find John going round and round on a stall and Georgia stuck on the other side of the room. John doesn't let go until Nelle tells him to. He has built up so much force that he is propelled into the stall in front of him, accidentally flushing the toilet. Nelle tells everyone to get out. She turns and opens a stall door and finds Elaine in it. "Unless you'd like me to do the other shin," Nelle says. "Itchbay," says Elaine. When they are finally alone, Nelle tells John that anger may not be any more attractive on him but it's certainly more exciting. "You made fun of my stuttering and my smile therapy," he says. "You are a mean woman." Nelle says she was an angry woman and a threatened one. John wonders why. "You and Ally connect on a very odd but fundamental level and this notion of waiting for the one person who's all things -- I think I'm afraid that if you do that, I'm not that person," she says. "I don't want children. You do. This inner world thing – I don't share that, and, Barry White? I don't believe in two people interlocking in every way, and this Ally McBeal 'it takes two to make one" nonsense, it just makes me want to vomit." John asks why they are even bothering with each other if they are so different. "I want to be with someone different from me," Nelle says. John says that differences can be fatal. "Why can't two people grow together? Meet somewhere in the middle. I can learn to appreciate some of your likes and vice versa," she says. She asks him to name something he wants her to do and she will work on it. He looks in the mirror and hears Barry White. "Oh, God," Nelle says. "That one's non-negotiable," John says. Nelle says she likes Barry White. John says he needs her to love Barry White. "I'm beginning to love you," Nelle says, "Don't you get that? And every time she comes running to you, it just makes me insecure, that you'll run to her." "I'm not running anywhere," John says, "You gave me a frog. You gave me Barry White. I'm not going anywhere. And, I'm beginning to love you, too." They smile and kiss, then share a very long hug.

http://allymcbeal.tktv.net/

i try - macy gray

I Try

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I belive that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But were not
I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
And Ill try to keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

I may appear to be free
But Im just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
And Ill try to keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I cant deny
Deny

I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
(but Im dreaming of you babe)
And Ill keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near aahh)
Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, its clear (say it lord)
My world crumbles when you are not here

Goodbye and I choke (Im choking)
I try to walk away and I stumbe
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near, yeah, yeah yeah)
Yeah, yeah..

You're the First, the Last, My Everything - Barry White

We got it together, didn't we?
Nobody but you and me.
We got it together, baby.

My first, my last, my everything,
And the answer to all my dreams.
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star.
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are.

I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two.
You're, you're all I'm living for
Your love I'll keep for evermore.
You're the first, my last, my everything.

In you I've found so many things,
A love so new, only you could bring.
Can't you see if you,
You'll make me feel this way,
You're like a first morning dew on a brand new day.

I see so many ways that I can love you,
'Till the day I die....
You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a dream.
You're my first, my last, my everything.

[instrumental]

I know there's only one, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two.
Girl, you're my reality.
But I'm lost in a dream,
You're the first, you're the last, my everything.

out of reach

my new favorite song.. i think. it's really applicable to most of them and it has little hope in the last line. i could really use that hope.

Knew the signs wasn't right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

Chorus
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Verse 2
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

Chorus
But I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you

Chorus
And know I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

news beats

puerto gallera

end of the race - lost

road trip

batangas

frustration, realization and good bye?

open ended

playing with fire

looking at the future

asthma

almost car accident - wanting to end this

removing isp

random thoughts

no order, no time line

sleepy with head ache

want to sleep but can't

got first pay out

waiting in vain

making someone wait.. in vain

thinking

sorting things out

needs time

a lot of time

a year or two

but already acting on it

dangerous

hurting someone

mind games

over it

funny

laughter

smile

behind this smile is everything you will never understand

expect the worst, but don't expect

nanoplex split

can't breathe

a-z list

head ache

"lokohan"

emotions

this actually took about 10 minutes..

pathetic