official hate blog

i don't know why this is happenning? or is it that it just so happen that whenever i'm angry or mad i would be able to come accross this blog site or will think of writing an entry here.
 
i'm not sure i know anyone who knows this blog site exists.. well, for those who know me personally that's why i can record all my hates.. although, i'm not also sure if keeping a record of your hateful feelings are good.
 
i just want to sleep.. well, this has nothing to do with how i feel emotionally but then again.. it sort of adds to it.. a little.
 
i hate him.  well, i don't.  i hate him because i don't hate him.  i know this sounds pathetic.. but i'm the drama princess. i have every right to pour out my emotions. 
 
so there, i hate him and it's all because for a fact i know that he knows that i like him and yet there he goes making me follow him around.. emotionally speaking.  of course i have no means of physically doing such, but still it sort of feels the same.
 
i don't know what i would want or like but the thing is he should at least be considerate enough and all.  one already knows if one is capable of loving someone, so if the answer is no, one should atleast have the decency to let that someone know, right? it's not about hurting someone else's feelings.. one would be able to hurt that person anyway, sooner or later one will.  it's also not about keeping friends, because we all know there will never be pure friendship if one feels more than the other.  you can't say you don't want the person to go away because that person is your friend, specially if the other one thinks more of you than just friends, that would be using the person to your advantage.  in a way or another there are things that you can't let go of in that person.  and if that's not love for that person then that must be something else.. most of the time it's ego boosting or just plain taking advantage of that person's weakness, you.
 
i hate it. i totally hate it.  i don't know why i got myself in this position or if ever i have been in this before, have i?
 
i don't have much strength left to think about it.
 
but as far as my mind can process i can't think of such an incident.  because i think all of them became close to me because they have other things in mind and that's not just friendship.  yes, all five guys.
 
i know he once admitted that he likes me but less than 24 hours after he took it back because we haven't met yet or the akwardness is unbearable.  i'm in a situation i've never been before.  there are things i want to do. there are things i want to say but all of these things could make or break it.  can i risk the chance of losing him?  well, i don't want to ask if i want to lose this feeling, because yes, i do, but i don't want losing him in the process as well. 
 
This sucks.. this sucks big time!
 
waaah!!