stagnant roller coaster

i'm still clueless on what step to take..

but so far things are just getting worse but partly looking up.. does that make me just go back to where i was?!

i kind of know what to do when things come. but i'm presented with new worries and woes. so, i'm not sure if there's improvement. maybe i'm just still in the same state but not exactly on the same spot.

i don't want to take the matters into my own hands anymore.. it just makes me expect more. expect the worst but don't expect.

i've gotten over the expecting the unexpected state. but it still makes me think. a lot actually.

i'll just go where my shoes take me.. hahaha!

laughter has always been the best facade for me. the smiles. behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.

my chest still hurts.. i'm not sure if that's because of my heart or my lungs.. ha! can't breathe.. or can't live.. ?!?

i'm just wishing that one day i'd be able to write here without these feelings.

happy or sad, i can't say..

still waiting for things to unfold on its own so that i would be able to know the next part of the story.

impatience has always been my weakness. i really hate to wait.. actually that's making me sick.

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oblivion

there are things you just want to forget.. but at the same time you can't stop but reminisce those moments and seconds..

i'm on a drinking streak and i don't want to break it.. i feel like i don't want to break it but i'm not sure if i'd be able to afford it since i still have final exams coming up. but as of this moment i don't. regardless of who i'm with or what i'm drinking as long as i do..

there are actions and words that you would want to take back but you know you can't..

there are reasons for these actions and words that you have within your grasp but don't really want to know and admit that this is why all of these are happenning.

i'm at fault. and i don't know what to do about it. i could always think of the right things to do, the things that are expected of me to do, and the things that i'm not exaclty sure of.. now i'm thinking, maybe i should not give it that much thought.

i'm waiting for things to happen, things that i'm almost a hundred percent certain that won't happen. but i'm here waiting. hoping against hope? i'm not sure.. expecting? not exactly. i don't know..

confusion may be the apt word for everything that's been going on, but there's this sense of certainty in every emotion, action and words that saying that they're out of confusion would be telling a lie..

it would be nice to have someone to talk these with. without the fear of misunderstanding. but right now, there's no such person.. well, not that i know of..

i don't know what to do, what to want, what to expect, what to feel, what?!

"easy to fall, hard to forget" one of my many ailments.. i'm wondering now, how would i be able to reach the state of oblivion and when..

how do you stop yourself from believing something even if you know it's not true? i mean why do i keep on believing things that i know is not true? and how do you stop from believing?

one day, i'd forget everything..

one day, i'd be able to know the answers to my questions..

one day, i'd know what to do..

one day, i'd forget everything..

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