i never thought

i know it was just a joke.. it's nothing to take seriously or personally but then again i was affected. in fact, gravely affected that i don't want to think about it when i can't stop but think about that silly story.. a fictional thing that has a very high of possibility coming true.. waah!

then they told me.. this is different since i'm now affected.. waah!

waaah!

memo

i fought the urge to go to the battle field today. i guess it would just be time for me to rest.

when will i come back? i don't know..

am i being afraid to face the war at hand? or am i just too sick and tired of all the hustle and bustle it brings?

the emotional turmoil it brings me as soon as i retreat to my camp is just so great that the wounds are nothing.

freaked out!

Le Freak
Chic

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out
Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out

Have you heard about the new dance craze
Listen to us, I’m sure you’ll be amazed
Big fun to be had by everyone
It’s up to you, it surely can be done
Young and old are doing it, I’m told
Just one try, and you too will be sold
It’s called Le Freak, they’re doing it night and day
Allow us, we’ll show you the way

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the ride
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stomping at the Savoy
Now we freak, oh what a joy
Just come on down, two fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out

Now freak

I said freak

Now freak

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the ride
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stomping at the Savoy
Now we freak, oh what a joy
Just come on down, two fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out
Ah, freak out
Le freak, c’est chic
Freak out

parang binuhusan ng isang timbang tubig

woohoo!

ayoko na!!

para na akong tanga!

sobrang affected ng mga simpleng bagay na walang kwenta!!

waaaah!!

tears for my cake

i'm good at messing things up..

i'm capable of turning myself invisible.. even during the times i don't want to.

i can't stop but wonder why or how things are the way they are..

i want to cry but i can't because no one would be wiping them away..

i want to shout but i can't because no one would hear them anyway.

i wonder why i feel this way when everyone around me expects me to be happy.. my birhday season has got to stop. it has to stop!

for me to forget the wretched day i was born, for people to stop wishing me a happy one and when they ask how it went, i can't answer straight because i never really had one.

i'm not the grinch nor oscar the grouch, though i love color green, i'm just seeing things as they are.

expect the worst but don't expect

the way how i will always see life.

behind the laughter and the smiles are tears falling with no one to wipe them dry..

i guess i'll never learn, loving people and giving them your all and in the end they never really loved you in the first place.

it hurts.. it will always hurt..

reflections

waah..

just had a very emotional day and i think the next one will be too.. if not worse..

emotional at some point that i got so happy, so mad, so sad..

haaay..

life.. in a few more days i'll turn twenty and there are things in my life that i'm so happy about. i know there are times when i don't really appreciate them or that i don't give them much credit but then as i go and think about it life wouldn't have been complete.. i know it's too much to say that my life is already complete, wtf, there are a lot of things i don't have.. but then you know that sense of wholeness that you feel everytime you think about those certain bits and peices of your life that you just can't help but stop and smile.

it just hurts and pains me that you can't really turn back time. that there are things you wish undone but there's nothing you can do.. time already took it and it will never come back. there are things i want to fix.. but i know i just can't. i would have to live with it. sometimes i ask, now that i'm already steady and has already accepted the things i could not change, do i really want to go back and change all that happened. it's just that my brain can't stop from working hyper drive and think of a million what if's and if only's. at least i have a clear view of the things i want to get back on and things i'd rather leave behind.. well, except for one thing that still baffles me and still gives me the shivers and second thoughts about things.

just like a kid

it has been so long since the last time i felt this way.. it just seems i've totally forgotten about it already..

i'm like a little girl with a crush.. well, basically it seems i am!

waaah!

it has been so long.. that's all i can say. it's like i never felt this before but definitely i've been there done that and more.. but.. i don't know..

maybe this comes with the quarter life crisis..

wow.. in a few weeks my life calendar will turn and i have no idea what's in store for me..

scary..

hah!

why is it called second coming of age when now i feel that i don't know anything.. i don't know how to react, how to go about things.. it's like any moment i would be making a big fool out of myself.. more scary stuff..

there are already things i don't want to get ruined and there are things that i can't help but anticipate (mind you, they're the worst things)

afraid? a little.. or maybe a little more than just a little but not much.

it's weird to have this feeling back.. well, it's just assurance that bygones are already indeed bygones..

what can i say?

my officemate announced what the top10 is for today..

she said..

what will you say to the love of your life before he/she marries
somebody else (eventually we realized it was the other way around,
eniweiz..)

when i heard the question..

mga mareng, hindi kinaya ng lola nyo..

after seeing The Notebook and everything i've been through...

waah!!

hindi ko napigilang maluha.. well, naagapan before actually pumatak
ang mga luha..

sobrang babaw rin kasi talaga ng luha ko.. pero yun nga.. these things
really get the best of me..

so, if i were asked the question.. isa lang...

wala.. dahil hindi ko kakayanin... waaaah!!


image source

someone

i just finished watching "The Notebook"... and tears are not yet stopping.

and just when i thought i would stop because it's already time for work, things just got worse around me.

why is it when i cry there's just no stopping.. it has been a long time since my last cry.. is this the reason why up to know tears can't stop welling up in my eyes.

i've once said that i need someone to take care of me. then one told me that he's there, that friends like him are there.. but why is it that i can't think of a single person whom i can talk to.. whom i can cry to..

i know my friends care, but there are still limitations as to what they can and cannot do..

i miss my best friend.. it has been so long since we last got together i don't even know if things are still the same. if she will still understand me the way she did before. besides she's a million miles away from me now.

i know some of my friends can listen, some of then can understand in a certain level, but i'm not sure if they can wipe my tears and find reason to what i'm feeling that sometimes i myself can't find.

image source image source

bygones

ok, so things were not as worse at it turned out to be. much time has passed and it has been a joke now. so, bygones!

huh.. present..

how i always want to just float out of time and watch it pass by.. haay..

my birthday's coming up and this early i know i won't be having much fun..

haay..

life sucks and i'm not sure if i've reached the bottom yet..


my life seems to be a bottomless pit.. it brings me deeper and deeper into depression! waaah!!!

depression? whatever!!