I was believing in you

"Vonda Shepard Baby Don’t You Break My Heart Slow lyrics"

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you say do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

I like the way you’d hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you’d say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

Chorus
But I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

Bridge
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home still thinking that we’re together
I wanted our love to last forever

I was believing in you
I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

Chorus

20 minutes to write

i finished reading "Stainless Longganisa". and it sort of reignited my zeal for writing and my passion for performing on stage. i would just need to have my life and finances a little organized.

i can't remember when i first had that thing for writing. but, it's very limited. i can but there's a a very slim chance for me to write good in Filipino. i can't write news articles as well. i knew that when i tried for our school organ. stick to English. stick to feature writing and/or editorials.

my mom doesn't want me to become a writer. we watched this movie wherein the main character was a young female writer who became an addict. maybe that's the reason why mom didn't make me take an writing related course.

i have no regrets taking up engineering. i would still want to go back and finish the course. well, if i have the time and money.

i'm sort of getting the hang of my job. i don't go and stay here for 12 hours. well, i really know what i was doing, i'm just a workaholic bitch that's why i stay that long here in the office. but since i sort of learned how to let go. i think i would be able to start and try my chances in theater again. i'm ready for rejections and would be accepting challenges along the way. i would just really want to perform on stage again. i want to be part of a production again. i miss the hammering feeling inside my chest before i start and go on stage.

i know these activities and the things i would want to do would not fill in the void. but it would make me think of that hallow part of me. and eventually, maybe without noticing it, i would be contented.

i have accepted my fate. a long time ago. something happened that made believe otherwise. i'm going back to that place. and i would be happy. right?

just one more minute to go..

i made a wish. and it's not really good. but it would really make me glad.

sms: amnesia

i know if i did this a couple of years back, more people would have replied.. but i guess, this would be enough..

i texted the following message to almost everyone in my phone book:

Kung naaksidente ako at nagkaron ng amnesia.. At ang alam ko lang ay ang aking
buong pangalan.. Ano'ng isasagot mo kapag tinanong kita kung sino ako at sino
ka? O hahayaan mo na lang na nakalimutan ko na kung sino ako sayo at sino
ka sa buhay ko?

Most of them did not answered.. some thought it was a quote.. and some were not informed about my number and asked who i was? bwahahahahah! some answered laughter and some asked to eat.. hahahaha! well, here are the answers i got..

mamma bear: sabihin ko ikaw ay gf ni *** at ako ang nambugaw sa inyo.

i was laughing out loud with a factor of HP-ness.

dee: ikaw si barn, work force ng pb account sa sykes na ex ni *****. ako si dee isa sa mga kaibigan at pinaka-cute sa pb. pag di mo naalala, hahayaan na lang kita na may amnesia.

no comment

oric: ikaw si laarni, ako i rico and we're super close..

*hugs*

mommy joy: sasabihin ko bitch ka pero love pa rin kita kasi friend mo ako. :)

i'm a bitch and i love it! and a good thing that my friends love it too!

cyrus: if ever man na you forget me because of an accident and ask me who i am in your life? I will say... "boo! gulat ka noh!" hahahah! honestly and sincerely, mag papakilala ako a your friend, teatro baby and a little brother that won't ever forget a wonderful ate who guided me nd accompanied me in my life in mapua, in teatro and daily living.. bow.. :)

*speechless with a grin*

vj anievas: ikas i barn, kumakain ng apoy sa paragos ng ilog para mang aliw. ako naman si vj, ang tigatulak ng paragos mo! XD

which resulted to a discusion as to what "paragos" means! bwahahahaha! he said he would bring me back to my filipino teachers and i should have failed. sorry..

barn: ano yung paragos?
vj: yung hinihila ng kalabaw
barn: araro?
vj: ano ka ba? iba yun! paragos, yung nilalagayan ng mga
prutas or bigas..
barn: parang kariton pero hinihila imbes na
tinutulak? or parang caravan pero kalabaw ang humihila?

i'm not sure if i got it right.. hahahaha!

dad kumag: SINO KA? ikaw ang babaeng madumi ang buhok na may mahahabang kuko na may twist pa, may bonus na lupa lupa.. pero mabango ang k3p$. SINO AKO? ako ang nagpaplantsa sa buhok mo at gumugupit sa kuko mo.. pero hindi ako ang umaamoy ng k3p$ mo. iyon ay si *****! kilala mo ba sya?!

bwahahahahhahahahahahah!

stitch: Laarni Lopez .. nag aral ka sa MIT .. member ka ng teatro at magaling kang actor .. nagtatrabaho kas sa call center ngayon ..panganay a magkakapatid ..responsible at mabait kang anak
ano ka sakin? .. kapamilya mo ako sa kampai ..ex-gf kita na minahal ko ng sobra pero di tayo nagtagal dahil sa mga problema ko sa sarili ko .. kaibigan pa rin kita at mahal hanggang ngayon..

awww.. :')

josica (TL): ask kita if pwede magpa-aux ng agent.. hahaha!

and i actually replied, "sure! if there are no queues.. " bwahahahahahhaha! memory back! shit! i'm such workaholic bitch!

nini: hirap barn. siguro i'll let you come live with me for a week.. potah isa lang mga karakas natin kaya makikilala mo kung sino ka at ako. heheheh!

i've been meaning to go to her place someday and meet her baby!

ninang: ikaw si hagrid! naihambing sayo ang pangalan na yan dahil sa gulo ng buhok nya at pagkachorva nya.. yung tanong may parte sa puso ko at naging malaking part ng college life ko, isang taong masayahin at mahina ang puso. isang taong mahal ko. yun lang..

awwww... *hugs*

shua: ako yung kaibigan mo tapat at maganda laging nandito para sayo

was forced to answer.. heheheh!

mnf: pg nagka-amnesia ka, sasabihin ko sa yo na asawa mo dati si **** kaya lang naghiwalay kayo dahil kay ***.. at bf mo ngayon si *** hahahaha
ako ang kapatid mo na autistic dati at sanay ka na pinagsisilbihan ako.. oo nga pala, sasabihin ko rin na gustong gusto ni *** pag ikaw ang nagiging mapusok at ikaw ang nag iinitiate ng love making nyo.

TSK! hmpf!

bwahahahahhahahhahaha!

i want a cristina yang

Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your

first name?
- love
.
Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you

say?
- ano'ng ginagawa mo dito?
.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
- i'm not sure.. not recently tested
.
How many times have you been to the ER?
- thrice yata.. twice, i'm not the patient

Do you have trust issues?
- yeah
.
Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
- it depends on who wears them and where
.
I bet you're missing someone right now?
- the list is not that long
.
Do you hate the last guy you were talking to?
- nope
.
Who was your last text message from?
- ate faith
.
Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
- not all
.
What's the best wedding you've been to?
- sir bobot and mam shirley's

What time did you wake up this morning?
- i don't wake up in the morning
.
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to

tell you?
- yup!
.
Do you get along better with guys or girls?
- okay lang pareho, pero mas ang gays.. heheheh
.
Who is the best person to cheer you up?
- it's very easy to cheer me up.. i'm thinking about

three people right now.

Did you mean it when you said "i love you" last?
- yeah, i always do.
.
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in

the face?
- bwahahahahahah! before september ended.. medyo may

feeling pa ngayon, pero siguro just for the fun of it.

medyo nakakdiri ng isiping maglalapat ang mga balat

namin! bwahahahahah!

Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
- yup
.
What is wrong with you right now?
- hmmmm.. heart.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
- nope
.
Would you kiss someone to make your bf/gf mad?
- nope
.
Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
- nope, but there's a possibility with one
.
Do you use t9, word, or abc?
- abc
.
Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly

everything about you?
- before he used to.. i changed.
.
Do you tell your mom everything?
- nope
.
Who was the last person you yelled at?
- i'm not sure.. might be an agent, or while messing up

with charley

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
- marky

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
- none
.
Think of the last person you held hands with, do they

mean something to you?
- yeah
.
Could you cry right now?
- yeah, but i chose not to
.
What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?
- working
.
How's your ex doing?
- i don't know
.
Who can you trust?
- i don't know


1.Last person who wrote you a comment?
- noel
2. Last song you listened to?
- truly madly deeply
3. What is people's first impression to you?
- maarte
4. Do you like chocolates?
- yup
5. Most memorable place?
- can't remember.. hahaha!
6. Do you read comics?
- yup
7. What are your favorite ice cream flavors?
- double dutch, cookies and cream and pistacchio
8. Do you miss someone?
- yes.
9. grocery or shopping?
- both
10. Can you dance?
- nope
Do you believe in God?
- yup
Your name spelled backwards..
- nrab
Where were you last night?
- still here
What is the last thing you downloaded?
- i don't remember
Name one beautiful person you've met/seen?
- no one comes in mind
Do u like roller coasters?
- yup
Chattin with...?
- mike and lemon
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
- yup! for both!
Are you shy?
- sometimes.. not so obvious though.. hahahah!
Do you think you're popular?
- nope
Fries or Popcorn?
- fries
Are you a good cook?
- nope.. but i hope i could be
BEST person in the world?
- my will be husband.. hehehehe!
Have you ever tasted durian?
- i don't remember.. hahahah!
What is your favorite pc game?
- twister?
Have you ever baked cakes?
- yup
Last thing you bought?
- food
What's your favorite song right now?
- i'm not a princess
Last song stuck in your head?
- none
Any pets?
- wala po
Color of most clothes you own
- brown?
Last starbucks?
- saturday ng madaling araw.. last week..
Last movie you've watched?
- in dvd.. bwahahahahahahah!
any plans for tomorrow?
- sunday? i'm going to oric's place with the gurls!
This weekend?
- it's the weekend
Are you happy?
- yeah..
Last sms you received?
- si ate faith, nagpapadala ng pera for drinks kasi they're waiting for me at the 6th floor
If someone were to spell your name wrong, how would they

spell it?
~ laarnie
.
Is your phone close to you?
~ near? yes
.
Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
~ amiel
.
What's bothering you right now?
~ yung tumitingin sa friendster account ko
.
Bet you're missing someone now?
~ Yup
.
If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it ?
~ have it changed to peso, then, pay bills/debts with it
.
What was the highlight of your week?
~ my new hair!
.
What were you doing at midnight last night?
~ working.. or fooling around at work.. hahahah!
.
Are you listening to music right now?
~ yup
.
Do you get along with girls?
~ yup
.
Do you like surprises?
~ it should not ruin my day or plans though
.
Do you like your name?
~ yup
.
Do you crack your knuckles?
~ yup

What were you doing 20 minutes ago?
~ answering this
.

Bonfire or fireplace?
► bonfire on the sea shore and fireplace inside the house while it's snowing outside.. bwahahhaha!
.
Do you ever write notes on your hand?
► when i was a kid
.
Where did you sleep last night?
~ i'm here at work
.
What was your last text and who was it from?
~ ate faith
.
Whats on your mind right now?
~ the answer to this question
.
What makes you happy?
~ a lot of things.. heheheheh!
.
Have you ever gone Christmas caroling?
~ yup.
.
Who are you thinking of?
~ my friends i went caroling with
.
What are you looking forward to in the next month?
~ his birthday, his freedom? hahahah!
.
When is the last time you talked to your mom?
~ on her birthday
.
Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really

weren't?
~ all the time
.
Where's the last place you went?
~ outside the norm? home
.
Do you smile often?
~ yup
.
Is there anyone that you wish was out of your life?
~ yup, but actually, she already is so, the answer is none.
.
.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
~ nope
.
Happiest moment of 2008 so far?
~ thinking of it makes me sad
.
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try

again?
~ i'm not sure.. can't think of anything right now
.
Do you have a best friend?
~ a lot.. but i want a cristina yang

this ain't a fairy tale

I'm Not A Princess

Taylor Swift

So you're sorry
that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
and that face back in and forth all this time
because I honestly believed in you
holding on
and days track on
stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
I am not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
lead her up the stair well
this ain't hollywood, this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you
and i let me down
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around


Baby I was naive,
and lost in your eyes
and never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
about you and me
happy endings
now I know
I am not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
lead her up the stair well
this ain't hollywood, this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you
and i let me down
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

and you're here at my door
begging for forgiveness
begging for me just like i always wanted
but i'm so sorry

cause i'm not your princess this ain't a fairytale
i'm gonna find someone somewhere who might actually treat me well
this is a big world and that was a small town
there in my rear view disappearing now
and it's too late for you and your white horse
it's too late for you and your white horse
catch me now
try and catch me now
it's too late to catch me now

kulot na si barn!

after about 6 hours in the salon.. after wanting to have curly hair for quite some time now.. here goes..

sighs and hugs: for chito

sorry..
for not being able to greet you on your birthday.. or did i? well, sorry for not remembering if i did greet you or not.. hahahahah!
for all the hurt i've caused you.. i hope i already stopped doing that.

thank you..
for letting me know how it feels to be loved, respected and cherished.. i may not feel them again.

yeah..
.. i still feel all these things when i remember you.. us.. and my head cracks thinking of possibilities and impossibilities.. so, i'd rather not think.

moo bees

thanks to imdb.com for all these info.

-= trainspotting =-

Tagline:
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?

Never let your friends tie you to the tracks.

Trivia:

• Was ranked number 10 on the British Film Institute's all time best British films.
• Although it looks thoroughly offputting, the faeces in the Worst Toilet in Scotland scene was actually made from chocolate and smelled quite pleasant.
• The whole film was shot in just seven and a half weeks.
• For the close-up shots of Ewan McGregor injecting himself with heroin, a prosthetic arm was constructed by the make-up department, complete with pulsing veins, smack tracks and small pockets of blood that would appear when the skin was punctured by a hypodermic needle.

Quotes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117951/quotes
i love the quotes in this movie, they're just too long to post.

-= knocked up =-

Quotes
Debbie: You think because you don't yell, you're not mean. This is mean.

Pete: Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love.

Ben Stone: [explaining the conception to their newborn baby] and then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I took the most literal translation.
[quietly]
Ben Stone: But between you and me, it was the smartest thing I ever did, 'cause now you're here.

the funny ones are here http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478311/quotes
i think i cried in this movie. well, which one did i not?

-= 1408 =-

Taglines

Based on the terrifying story by Stephen King

---

The Dolphin Hotel invites you to stay in any of its stunning rooms. Except one.

---

No one lasts more than an hour.

---

Enjoy your stay.

---

Don't stay in 1408.

---

The only demons in room 1408 are those within you.

---

The classic thriller we've all been waiting for!

Trivia

There are many references to the number "13" throughout the movie. The room is numbered "1408", add each number together equals 13. The room is on the 14th floor, and the Hotel skips the 13th floor, so the room is technically on the 13th floor. The room's key lock also has "6214" etched into it, which adds up to 13. And the first death was in the year 1912, which adds to 13.

In addition to the previous numbers adding up to 13, the hotel is mentioned to be at 2254 Lexington Street in New York City. 2254 adds up to 13.

-= 10 things i hate about you =-

i know i have seen this movie before, but i have seen it again recently and fell in love with it all over again. i miss heath. (close?)

Taglines

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.

---

Romeo, Oh Romeo, Get Out Of My Face.

---

They're spitefully romantic

---

I pine, I perish!

Trivia

The title "10 Things I Hate About You" sounds remotely like "Taming Of The Shrew" (on which this film is based).

Several names reflect the Shakespearean origin of the story. Bianca's and Kat's last name is Stratford (William Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon). Patrick's last name is Verona (birthplace of Petruchio, the corresponding character from the play). The high school is called Padua, which is the city in which the play is set.

Julia Stiles originally auditioned for the role of Bianca Stratford.

Michael says, "Sweet love, renew thy force," which is a line from Shakespeare's Sonnet 56.

Cameron says, "I burn, I pine, I perish," a direct quote from Taming of The Shrew.

One of the taglines for this movie is "How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways" which is an obvious play on "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." Although this movie contains multiple references to William Shakespeare and "The Taming of the Shrew", the line "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways" was written not by Shakespeare, but by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It is the first line of Sonnet 43 from Barrett Browning's "Sonnets from the Portuguese"

The marching band in the sequence where Heath Ledger sings to Julia Stiles had actually never marched before. They had to be taught for the purposes of the movie.

The original script was much darker to the one in the final film. In the original, Mandella (Kat's best friend) referred openly and frequently to several suicide attempts, which were for her to join with William Shakespeare.

Kat Straford is excited she got into Sarah Lawrence College. In reality, Larisa Oleynik who played Bianca Stratford really went to Sarah Lawrence College.

The song lyric "cruel to be kind" is a reference to a line from the play Hamlet; another of William Shakespeare's works.

The original song scripted for Patrick to sing to Kat to gain her forgiveness was "I Think I Love You" by 'the Partridge Family'.

Quotes

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

this is my ever favorite, as well as everyone, i think. you can find more here. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147800/quotes

Soundtrack

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147800/soundtrack
i like the song being played during the paint ball scene. i'm not sure which one is it.

-= hitch =-

The cure for the common man.

Trivias

The mobile phone that Hitch uses to talk to Sara when Albert is getting his back waxed is a Sony Ericsson P900.

Will Smith suggested Kevin James for the role of Albert, being a fan of James' hit series "The King of Queens" (1998).

Jennifer Lopez turned down the role of Sara Melas.

The movie that Sara is watching in her apartment is Jerry Maguire (1996).

The original title of the script was "The Last First Kiss".

Kevin James made up all of the dance moves for the scene where Albert is dancing in Hitch's apartment.

Allegra Coleman was a fictitious actress created by Esquire magazine in their Nov '96 issue, designed to spoof other magazine's fawning obsession with new stars. The article written about her new "It Girl" status prompted calls from studios and talent scouts eager to offer her scripts. Ali Larter provided the face and body shots for the faux starlet.

Quotes

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/quotes - again, there are a lot.

i'm surprised to have liked this movie. i actually did not want to watch this during the time it was showing here because i'm not really a will smith fan. and again, i needed to stop myself from crying because boris was teasing me.

chapter three

it has been a very long time since my last entry.. i have been working a lot.. hahahah! i'm really back to being the workaholic bitch that i am. good thing or bad thing? i'm not really sure..

i'm on leave for two days.. thus, the free time to actually create an entry. can't make a specific one so here goes..

-= new earings =-

when mnf and i went to the mall two weeks ago, while he was trying on some pants, i noticed in the mirror while i was combing my hair that one of my earrings was missing. it was a pair of pearl earrings liway gave me when she went to boracay this year. the right one was missing. and i can't stay without earrings, right now. so, after mnf's shopping spree we searched for a new pair of earing for me. and this would be my gift for myself for this cut off.

we went to a lot of shops, and nothing seem to fit my taste. well, there was this one pair that i sort of liked. it's a silver drop pair. i didn't buy it right away and went to search for something different.

as usual, we went inside celine to check what shoes are on sale. i forgot that they also sell accessories and there i saw it. the pair i would like to have. it's really the same as the one in the picture but it's black. it's like ebony. but it's not cheap. we went to search for something else, but i can't take my mind of it. i was thinking of how i would look like wearing them and knowing that it's not light, i needed to think a lot. but we went to search for other earrings but to no avail. so, i mustered up enough courage to go and buy that.

i love it. it was painful during the first few days but then i got used to it. and i'm wearing it almost everyday. i don't have a picture wearing it but soon enough i sure will and i'll post it here or upload it.

-= sms =-

alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao kapag nagtalikuran sila? kailangan mo pa libutin ang buong mundo para makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo. - bob ong

.. pero kung gusto ka rin nya makaharap, half-way across the world lang ang kailangan mong libutin. pero hindi rin saktong half, pwedeng mas malayo or mas malapit.. depende sa kung gaano nyo gustong magkaharap uli..

-= my prince charming =-

i saw one of my high school best friends viewed my friendster account. i had this urge and missed her as well, so i went and checked her account. then i learned that she's pregnant right now! i'm so excited for her!

then, i realized that i don't have her number. i lost a lot of numbers since i lost my phone. so, i asked for her number from one of our high school best friends. in case she doesn't have beng's number i also asked for nini's. then she started sending the business cards. i was surprised to see that there was a third bussiness card sent.. and the info surprised me more. it was my prince charming. then, dada said, "i know you want it." bwahahahahahah!

so, i sent him a message. it was nice being able to have communication with him again. it has been years. well, one year and 8 months, not that i'm counting.

it has always been it's either him or me who's in a relationship during these times of communication. so, i expected that he's involved with someone right now. then, stupid me, asked for a sign. if it's for more than a year, i'll back off. so, i asked.. and it has been less than a year! bwahahahahaha!

but i'm not really in the mood of pursuing right now. although, it has given me a lot of HP nights and moments. it still can make me smile. and it's okay.

i always came clean with him. i have been honest ever since. so, i told him about my previous relationship. and i may be paranoid, but i think, i shouldn't have. i think it gave a wrong image.

i wanted to blame bliss, but it's not entirely her fault. it was my decision as well. i don't hate my prince charming for it. he is entitled to his own opinions. but like what i have realized, the back of my mind kept saying that, "i never asked for it to happen. i didn't want it. i did not even wish for it." well, it did happen and i won't be able to erase that. i just realized that in all of my past relationships, aside from the last one, i sort of wished for them to happen. i hoped and i prayed, and i guess, until forever, i'm glad they all came to pass. but not the last one. it was a new set up. so, i guess, i tried it. signs of regrets? maybe. i can live.

his birthday is coming up next week, i hope i would be able to remember to greet him.

-= my knight in shining armor =-

my friends are enjoying when i'm in the state of HP-ness. i'm not really sure why, but they are. is it because of the smile that i can't get rid off even if my cheek bones hurt? or is it because i'm not the usual bitch they have learned to love?

so, one of these very few good friends of mine sort of introduced me to this guy. sort of introduced because it was not in person. i think i already saw him. mnf pointed him out when he went to our floor. i was looking at him with this stupid look on my face when he looked at my direction. so, i hope he doesn't remember that. but i don't think i would really remember how he looks like in case we bump into each other.

so, there, we haven't met in person yet. but we have been talking in IM and sometimes texting.

since i'm in the state of being easily HP, there are a lot of times that my cheek bones hurt.

i'm half looking forward to actually meeting him in person, but there's this half that wants to keep it this way. i'm not sure why. am i afraid? or am i just contented?

well, the future will unfold on its own, so let it be. and i'll be just giddy and excited about it. :P

i want to make you smile.. but i don't know how to..
all i know is why.. because even if you don't really mean to, you make me smile..
thanks! hope to make it up to you someday!

-= define =-

i'm still not finished reading bag of bones, but i'm determined to finish it before my "vacation" ends. i came across these words and googled them.

evoe - no results came out. i sure wish to find what it means!

chortle

chuckle: laugh quietly or with restraint

a soft partly suppressed laugh
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Laughter is an audible expression or appearance of merriment or amusement or an inward feeling of joy and pleasure (laughing on the inside). It may ensue (as a physiological reaction) from jokes, tickling and other stimuli. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chortle

A joyful, somewhat muffled laugh, rather like a snorting chuckle; To laugh with a chortle or chortles
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/chortle

espionage

The practice of obtaining secrets (spying) from rivals or enemies for military, political, or economic advantage using illegal or unethical methods.
www.mangrum-pi.com/glossaryOfTerms.php

A government’s use of spies to uncover the secrets of other nations.
postalheritage.org.uk/learning/teachers/freeresources/lastpost/glossary/

is the use of illegal means (spying) to collect Information, more particularly secret or unpublished information. ...
www.quantum3.co.za/CI%20Glossary.htm

as much as i want to start reading mama bear's gifts, i'm determined to finish this one.

-= my hair update =-

i'm determined to have my hair done today. after this, i would be going to the salon and have my hair done! i saw rhian ramos' hair in lalola and that's what i want. it's the same with the picture i showed before but i wanted to see a local do it so it would be easy for the hair dresser to copy. i'm excited! i will sure be uploading pictures with the new hair and the earrings! love it!

sms: replies

i'm not really a fan of forwarded messages. but, what can i do, almost everyone does that. and most of the time, specially if i'm in my thinking mode, i reply to these sms quotes.

"alam mo ba kung gano kalayo pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran
sila? kelangan mo pa libutin buong mundo para makaharap ulit ang taong
tinalikuran mo." - bob ong

.. but if the other person would want to face you again, you would just need travel half-way. that is if you would have the same amount of zeal to face each other again. the questions would be, how far are you willing to travel? and how far do you need to go?

mahirap sabihin ang
"i hate you"

pati din ang
"i'm sorry"

lalo naman ang
"i love you"

pero pinakamahirap sabihin ang
"iskibiratsibop iskiribapbap bloopikiribitkiribit"

kaw nga??

all of those things are easy to say.. well, aside from the last one. it's just hard to keep these words. and there are people who finds these words or statements so easy to say, that they tend to let them out of their mouth even if they don't really mean them. grrrrr!

marunong din naman ako magmahal ah.. magtiis sa mga bagay kahit
masakit. mag sorry kahit di ko naman kasalanan. magmaka-awa para di
iwanan.

pero bakit sa kabila ng lahat, ito pa rin ako..

patuloy na nasasaktan.

then i replied, which lead to a good conclusion.

barn: kasi yung mahal mo di marunong nun. or masakit man tanggapin, you don't bring those things out of him.
ang di ko alam ay kung paano mo matitigil ang sakit.
sabi nila, choice raw natin yun. kasi kung hindi, eh di tinigilan na natin.

shua: ganon talaga. di natin mababago ang tao sa pamamagitan ng gusto natin.

barn: so, ano ang dapat gawin?

shua: wala. kundi magmahal at tanggapin ang sakit. kasi ang pagmamahal, walang hihihinging kapalit. hindi porket nagbigay ka, susuklian ka. kaya nasa atin yun kung patuloy tayong magmamahal at masasaktan o ititigil natin at susuko..

barn: selfish ba kung ayaw mo nang masaktan?

shua: hindi naman. ibig sabihin, may respect ka sa sarili mo.

barn: *hugs* miss you, shua!

shua: bakit? miss you too..

barn: wala lang.. may naudlot lang kasi akong pag mo-move on.

chapter two

yehey! blogger is no longer blocked here in the office. i can go and blog away without using proxies!

-= gay pride=-

there are a lot of reasons why i surround myself with gay men. i even fell in love with one.

• they love to sing
• they can always make you smile
• they have strong perception of things that can also make you think
• most are creative and/or artistic
• their crazy antics are really crazy
• they seem to understand me and really care
• they have a strong good-looking-male radar, which gives me a chance to check out the field

i'm not really sure how this all happened, but i seem to have a lot of gay friends. and i'm really proud and cherish them. well, most i met in theater and the rest of my followed. i miss them a lot.. well, those i don't get to hang out with anymore.

-= sex and the city=-

my housemate has been watching the series every night even if he has watched it a number of times already. i get to taste it a little and found myself thinking about it at times. well, i've only seen the last few episodes of the series. it's like five to eight maybe. and he said, i can watch the movie now. they didn't recommend that i watch it since i have very little idea about what happened in the series.

i have learned a few things, laughed a little, and almost cried (almost because i stopped myself from doing so). i don't want to watch other episodes, but maybe i will if i get bored and have nothing to do.

and i found the perfect description of what i want..

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
can't-live-without-each-other love.

sms

here's my favorite text message while waiting for the salary to reflect in our bank accounts:

" Bugtong bugtong..

ayan na

ayan na

di mo pa nakikita..

Sagot?

SAHOD!

Hehehe"

we'll i've been meaning to write those messages that i have received that reflects what and how i feel right now. but that would be too glum. i'm deleting them right now. but here's a few that i really like.

" Find someone who isn't afraid to admit that they MISS you.

Someone who knows that you're not perfect, but treats you as if you are.

Someone whose biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their heart completely.

Someone who says i love you and means it.

Last but not the least..

Find someone you wouldn't mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles, and your gray hair but still falls in love with you all over again.."

"Never be assured that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you..

because when pain strikes the heart..

love fades no matter how great it was."

And there was this line in Star Cinema's Dubai, i watched it again with baboon since i stayed at their place during the whole weekend. Forgive me if i got this wrong, most probably I did.

"Alam kong dapat magpatawad. Alam kong dapat mag move on. Pero masakit pa. Kaya in time. In time."