facing reality

CAUTION: i have my period and it's raining outside.

why can't i face the truth?
why can't i accept the facts?
why can't i mean what i say? or at least write..
let me rephrase that last bit..
why can't i say what i write?

okay, i can say them, but not to the people who are meant to hear those words.

i'm wrong. i'm the bad person here.. i'm the one with the personality problem. it's all my fault. whatever pain and difficulty i may be experiencing, i've brought this to myself.

nobody's perfect. but you perceive yourself to be. i can't tell you things i want to say. i'm afraid. i've always been. like i've said, from the beginning, i'm really scared.

what now? wait again.. ?! for what? let time pass by and make it seem that time has made everything forget. who forgot what? time forgot everything..

i'm tired, but i can't seem to do anything about it. i can't stop. am i addicted? maybe.. but..

define: addiction

• a state of being dependent on a certain substance, which is harmful or dangerous for the physical or mental health of the person, for his social well-being and economical functioning of the subject
• dependence on a substance (such as alcohol or other drugs) or an activity, to the point that stopping is very difficult and causes severe physical and mental reactions
• Strong emotional and /or psychological dependence on a substance such as alcohol or drugs that has progressed beyond voluntary control.
• A strong need for food, drink, people, or other things, which is extremely hard to resist.

just the thought of stopping makes me cringe.

can't live with it, can't live without it..

the promise of a better set up is just around the corner.. i just can't make the turn.

i'm sick and tired of drama, but this is where it leads to..

everyone else has given up. there are things they can't understand. i, myself can't, how much more them? well, they're not supposed to be involved in the first place, right?

i understand their care and concern, but in reality, there's nothing much they can do, but stand watch.. be entertained.

haaay.. this is like a never ending story that is desperately asking to end.