wanted: best friend

i can't remember having best friend during the early years of my childhood. well, maybe i did, but if i look at it now. not that i was already considering one at that time.

so, i guess the first one was during our 5th grade. then, she got too serious with her studies during the 6th grade. then, she moved to a different high school.

then, i have another best friend. we don't call each other best friends because she has another, and i have another. but when it really comes down to it, we are the best friends. sophomore year of high school came and there are other things i like that she doesn't really enjoy.

had a whole bunch of good people to hang out with, laugh with.. but no best friend was emerging. until we discovered the same passion for books and hanging out. until now, we still consider ourselves to be best friends. but it's really hard to be best friends if you live in different countries now. plus, she's already married. i wasn't even there when they exchanged vows.

then, there was this girl who really hated me because she thought that i was an enemy, a rival in all that she has. i did make her run for her money, but i have not intentions of doing so. then, we became best friends too. among my high school friends she has the most number of letters given to me!

oooh! i had a best friend before the fifth grade! she was just younger than me. but we were so young then, that we don't really have much problems to share. we don't get to hang out a lot because people our age at that time don't do that. what we do is we exchange letters. everyday. with nothing much on it. then we moved, and they moved. i haven't seen her again, but we have connections now. we somehow found our way to each other. but there are a lot of years in between and it doesn't come back that easy. so, friends.. yeah. a little, i guess. i hope.

back to one of my high school best friends. well, we sort of made it until after high school but then she got pregnant and was ashamed of it, so she vanished. sort of. and it's like she hates us all now. i don't really get it. but there.

then freshman of college. had a best friend, too. but i don't remember calling her my best friend and vice versa. maybe it was just a given. but there were differences that we can't seem to settle. it was like we discovered we shouldn't have been best friends in the first place. cruel, but somehow true. we'd still look at our days together with a smile. no hard feelings. ugly but what the heck.

then, i had my second boy friend. and yes, he was my best friend. through and through. but the relationship has to end. even if i still wanted us to be best friends, he can't have it that way. so, i have to let go.

kampai. ba_rockz. kiki. time also passed and we all went our separate ways. college ended. they will always have a very special portion in my heart. they are the best friends that i had or still have that will know no time or space. they have seen my worst and all. so, i know i have a family to go home to. it's just sad that we don't see each other that much anymore. maybe after her board exams.

then, my batchmates at work. one got sick, the other one, was not really one, just insisted to be.

the skinny bitch came to my life. i'm not sure if she's on her way out. i hope not. but things are complicated now. well, a little. i miss our simple lives. just the two of us.

you ask how about? sprinkles.

she's not ready to be my best friend yet. she still has one. and there's this thought that she will fail at that department. maybe one day.

but for now, i'm alone.