chapter four

october ended.. here comes november..

-= mac arthur =-

i'm not sure how fast i was able to finish reading this book. it's bob ong's shot in writing a novel. it's very independent filmish. it would be a good independent film. i hope he would be intrested in writing a screen play for it. i think it would be nice.

it would be a mind boggler to think about why it was entitled "mac arthur". i have this insane idea, but it's really insane. a logical suggestion came from mamma bear. i thought about it too but i think it was too simple.

there was this part of the story wherein cyrus was trying to flush down a packet of drugs in the toilet with shit still in it. he was flushing using a dipper of water, again and again. but the feces would just come back and return.. mac arthur.. "i shall return." bwahahahahahah! me and my shitty ideas.

-= happy-ness =-

neal sy showed me his brand new car. and we went to mc donald's to eat. i bought him a chicken meal and i had french fries. we talked. i missed neal sy. it was nice talking to him. i really like it when we exchange thoughts, how stupid they seem to be.

i'm really grateful to have a friend like him. there's a very few number of people who would appreciate him. i do.

we talked about our lives and it's amazing to see how much he knows me and understands what i'm saying. even if most of the time we talk about him. and i want it that way. i don't really want to talk about me when we are the ones talking. although, he does ask questions and i would need to avoid answering as much as i can. hehehehe!

i'm glad we've become friends. hopefully, until the end.

-= my cristina yang =-

while we were walking in the mall.. she let out this comment about a girl wearing something out of the ordinary.. then i realized, "hey! here's my cristina yang!"

she may not be as serious or as workaholic, but being a heartless bitch, she can manage. heartless but would still care for me. she's not as dumb as most people would think she is.

i'm really scared when it's time for her to leave the office. maybe sometime next year. i'm not sure if i would survive my life in sykes without her. she's the only reason i made it until now. i'm again almost in tears now, but i would have to reserve them until that day.

-= my new my sassy girl =-

i'm not sure if it's because it's that time of the month, or is it because we didn't get enough sleep, or is it because of my current emotional state. but i was crying my heart out and i was trying desperately to stop it. i have been crying for almost an hour. yes, half of the entire movie. my only u.

i'm sure that you would be crying. i'm sure i would be crying again if i see it. or maybe not. but i was not really crying as much as i want to because i know cristina yang would be laughing about it. i want to watch it again but i would want to let the tears fall freely at that time.

-= 4g!v3n3$$ =-

kiki had a blog entry about this. and i totally understand her.

someday i will manage to forgive. but how am i going to forgive if the person is not really sorry. i don't want to keep on hating. at this point i need to get back some things. after that it would be much easier to forgive. even if the sorry wasn't really meant.

i have managed to conjure up a story that would not include it. it's quite fun actually. :)

right now, i have this conclusion that i was not really loved. it's easier to believe than to prove the otherwise. i now know, it wasn't real. and i'm okay. it's a first, but i manage to pull through.

i'm happy right now, with new opportunities ;) and the realization of how capable a person is to lie and hurt someone else. i felt how much my friends love me and i would not want to hurt them again.

i'm still not grateful for the experience. i know i would live and enjoy life without it.

it would be hard for us to be okay again, but it would not be my loss if we won't. maybe it's not its lost as well. so, why do they want us to be okay? we were not friends in the first place, so, nothing's really lost. it was all just a trip and a lie, so, there's nothing to go back to.

i just need my money back. :)

-= december =-

i'm looking forward to something. but i don't really want to keep my hopes up. i'm glad to have another reason to smile and wait for that day to unfold. :) ;) :P