loneliness

You represent... loneliness. Always alone and always sad about it... unlike

angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.

the smile can conceal what's deep inside. but the eyes could never hide. the thing is, i haven't really found anyone who could read mine. all can see the smiles and they think the eyes go with it. i know i can conceal what i feel deep inside but not to those who i can be myself with. but that would be before i've learned that they don't really understand.

at first i thought explanations are not really necessary with the people you care for and cares for you. then the realization that you are different entities that have different points of view and beliefs and the interpretations for your actions would be different from one person to the other.

i hate explaining myself. because i sometimes can't find the words to really paint the picture of what i feel inside.

most interpret this as being lonely or sad. some say it's the bitterness and anger that leaks. but i'm still wondering why can't this just be me. something that can't be defined by words because the whole sense of the word doesn't really apply.

i'm not sad now, nor am i angry. i'm tired, physically.. i need to get some rest. isang stick lang ng yosi ang katapat neto. heheheh..

the echos of the laughter that will always be in their ears will always remind them of the complicated person that i am.

there are people who's heart i can understand and there are also those who can sometimes understand mine. but these will just be moments.. nothing enduring. nothing forever. because after that special moment that you both understood each others hearts your guard will be down because you thought that person will always understand you until a special realization, a shot back to reality that what what you understood before is just for that moment. something you should treasure in memory but not something to hold on to for existence, because that rope is not long enough, not strong enough.

still feeling FABULOUS and DIVINE.. for i still can smile and though certain circumstances separates me from the things and people that make me smile sincerely, i know one day we will again have our "moments" and laugh our heads off until our sides hurt.