waaah!

while i was searching for monologues for kiki.. i found this.. and it just killed me..

A letter
by Emily Picha
Maria and her boyfriend have not been able to see each other for a few months since they met at a youth retreat. They have been keeping in touch via letters and phone calls, and this is a particular rough spot.


I'm better. Had a conference with myself. Just wanted you to know that. I have some questions. If we were able to see eachother more would it make it any better? If we were able to talk on the phone more would it make it okay? If we were able to talk about our lives instead of our feelings in our letters would it make it better? I don't know. I just can't end this. That would make me feel really horrible. But you're going to do what you're going to do. I'm sad and sick and sorry about your letter. And I'm sorry you've been depressed about this, I haven't because I've been ecstatic about the whole concept of you.

But if we stop talking now, what do we do when we see eachother and I have feelings for you still? Can I hug you? Kiss you? Or do I have to act like a saint because we're "friends?"

I guess I'll just deal with it when the time comes. If you want to stop writing you won't touch the keyboard. And I'll fight my hardest trying not to touch mine. I'll erase you from my address book. But you won't be erased from my mind.

I don't understand how you can go from being mooshy and "I want to hold you"-icious to wanting to be platonic. I don't understand how people can just STOP having "feelings" for eachother. That doesn't happen! I can't just install a stop sign in our intersecting lives (oh gee i'm gettin very metaphoric). If you want to come up here the week after school ends the doors are open. If you don't want to be involved then I guess you won't make the trip. I want you to hold me again. I want the chance to have my FIRST kiss. WITH YOU.

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