can things get worse

pissed off! so pissed off! as usual i dnt want 2
expound on this or get into details. i just want 2
move forward 2 what wil b d outcome of things. what
wil happen next. i hate this feeling of anticipating
the worst nd being positive 2 b able 2 survive.
cynical. haay! why do these things always happen 2 me?
as far as im concernd i things were never bad thing
then good thing, it was always bad thing then worse
then a little lighter then bad and waah! i just cant
take this. i would always have this hard stomach, this
hard pounding in my chest, and it seems im always out
of breath. my head hurts but not pounding nd im not
sure f this is bcoz of this so much anger or jst bcoz
i havnt got any sleep yet. grrr! the heavy traffic is
killing me, i jst hope frank wont get in my nerves. i
dnt know how 2 release this i dnt know how 2 really
let this out. i dnt want 2 cry nd i dnt want 2 burst
in a fitting rage! i dnt want 2 tel d story again nd
again i know it would just irit8 me! waaah! i dnt want
2 wish things 2 b ok bcoz things would just get worse!
im cursed, damned, jinxed! haay! i dnt want 2 go on
lyk this. i just want 2 stop. stop!

sent via sms

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phantasmagorical

i know i have given myself so much standards in finding the one and yet still being able to fall in love and in the process breaking those standards..

since i have my fair share of escapades, here i am again giving myself a list of things i would need..

• someone who would be able to adopt my busy life. my job and eventually going back to school and still keeping the job.


• accepts that i smoke


• someone who would want to see me everyday and still accepts that there are times that he can't


• remember dates even if i don't


• not into PDA but still can be sweet


• can either write or sing


• has brains and wheels


• enjoys the company of my friends instead of being jealous (kampai and frank)


• can handle my high maintenance emotional well being


• has great timing abilities


• knows how to take care of me...

so, there.. haaay...

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surreal

i can't help watching romantic comedy flicks. i don't know where this started.. oh, i do! the first time was I was "While You Were Sleeping". I watched it with Beng at her place.. and there.. the rest is history...

so, even if it would cost me extra Php 120, I still went through watching "A Cinderella Story". Aside from this slight fascination with Hillary Duff, I just can't accept the feeling I will have if I will miss this movie. Again, a love story that would not happen to me..

I know no one knows about my latest escapade, as in no one. Maybe I have this gutt feeling that no one understands me right now.

Then there's this movie I thought I would never watch.. but then again, I just found myself in the theater waiting for this movie to start. Another love story that just brought tears in my eyes, when was the last time one didn't?!? hahahah!

so, there..

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five stars

ate ning, bubu and I watched Garfield the Movie last Sunday.. it was one of those "feel good" films that I seldom appreciate. Well, I do appreciate them, but only after I watch them, there would be no zeal in going in the movie house watching this type of film, well, not as much as I would when I'm going to watch a heavy movie or a horror film or a romantic comedy film.

i have loved watching films, whether in theaters or in tv screens.

but now, i have a thirst for watching theater plays. woohoo! this thirst was quenched last week when my brother and I watched Dulaang UP's production of Tatarin. Asteeg! I could just dream of being in such production. waaaahh! There I've said it and with it comes the curse of it never ever coming true. I guess I'll forever be among the people who claps, and not one of those who bows. Well, at least in not in a super duper play. Because I have, of course, had my share of very few productions.

I miss the stage.

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missing stuff

The emotional anguish I feel is almost a physical pain.

I haven't been properly blogging for quite some time now and I also promised to give this site an overhaul but failed to do it.. busy? maybe? but then again being busy has always been my excuse for a lot of things and as I recently formulated, you can just call yourself busy once you no longer have tie for sleep but as long as you can give yourself some shut eye, you're not busy, so what's my excuse? acedia?

If you love a song, love it enough for it to accompany you throughout the different stages of your life, then any specific memory is rubbed away by use.

My previous entries were just lyrics of songs.. songs I like.. trigging not memories but emotions. Stuff I wanted to write about but don't have the gutts to. Why? Because again of the monster inside my head. One day I'll find time in explaining those songs because they do have meaning to me.. not memories, but meaning. My friend was able to make a CD for me with the songs I listed down for her. I wrote 30+ but of course she was only able to include 19 or 18. Maybe I'll start now with my favorite lines.


My Immortal - Evanescence
There's just too much that time cannot erase

The Reason - Hoobastank
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday

Breakdown - Mariah Carey
Do you hold on in vain
As they just slip away

Rainbow - South Border
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end


Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
I should've seen just what was there and not some holy light


This Love - Maroon 5
I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings


If You're Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield
I hope I love you all my life


Lately - Stevie Wonder
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide

The Gift - Jim Brickman & Susan Ashton
You saved my heart
From being broken apart


Grow Old with You - Adam Sandler
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you


More than Words - Extreme
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me

Just Like a Pill - Pink
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill


To Where You Are - Josh Groban
Fly me up to where you are beyond a distant star

Kailangan Kita - Gary Valenciano
Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman

Four Seasons of Loneliness - Boyz II Men
Until you release me I’m bound under ball and chain


Unwell - Matchbox 20
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown


She's Out of My Life - 98 Degrees
And I've learned that love won't wait, won't wait
Now I've learned love needs expression

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t
Coming

Wherever You will Go - The Calling
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you


Hah! need some sleep!

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