deadlines

i'm not sure when i've started living with deadlines. maybe it's something i picked up in school, in doing projects and all that $h!+..

then, i started working and deadlines meant money.

but then i realized, (well, actually someone pointed it out and told me that it's a good thing) that i have been using deadlines in my personal and everyday life..

deadline in waking up.. in finishing a book.. in talking to someone.. in sending a text message.. in moving on..

now, i'm giving "us" until my birthday (in manila time).. then, it's again another deadline.

my birthday wish list

here's the top 10 things i want for my birthday (in no particular order)

1. cute bag for my laptop - or just a cute jacket for it, then i can put it inside my big bag.. hehehehe! - Dimensions of my laptop: HxWxD (32mm/1.26"x 337/13.27"x 238mm/9.37")

2. digital camera - i don't know what specs i would like. i like ate faith's camera. it's a cannon, i think. i want lcd at the back. and other features. hehehehe! i also like the camera we saw during the eraserheads' reunion concert, all his shots were the best. i wasn't able to see what brand of camera he was using though.

3. confirmation - i know this would be too soon. and would be so close to impossible to. but then, i want to be confirmed as early as now, because it's my birthday, but it can go as late as november. hehehe!

4. books - well, i don't have a list right now. but i sure want books to read. good novels. bob ong books would be good. i've read a lot but i don't own any.

5. new bag - i've worn out the bag dandy gave me. i want something small that the guard would allow me to bring inside the office. but still would fit my things, well, it's just my wallet and cell phone, a rarely used comb, perfume that will be used more often by the 23rd and my cell phone charger. and trash.. bwahahahah!

6. starbucks tumbler - i received 2 starbuck tumblers during my birthday back in 2004, i think. from my officemates in artistic expressions. i kept both because i was using one at home and the other one in the office. i lost one here in sykes and managed to break the other one. i'm currently using my ex's and i want to return it back or at least put it in storage together with the other things she owns that are still with me. i don't need a very big one, a very small one would be of no use because i would need to go back and forth to the pantry to get coffee. of course, i want a cute design!

7. tickets - to movies, concerts and plays. hopefulle they're scheduled on a weekend so i would not need to file for a leave or even if it's on a weekday it should be during the broad daylight. sleep doesn't matter for me anyway. i want to see a lot of movies and concerts and plays. trying to add more art in my life. bwahahaha! i missed cinderella and a lot of movies and i want to watch more concerts, but maybe less than movies and plays.

8. dvds of complete tv series - the list would be endless, but i would love to have the complete season copies of the following series: ally mc beal, grey's anatomy, ouran high school host club (subtitled, of course), fruits basket (hopefully, dubbed in english, but englist subtitles would do), detective conan (again, subtitled), and whatever tv series that friends of mine would think i would enjoy.

9. movie dvds - your pick if it would be original or just pirated, but hopefully it's a clear great copy with special features. i love special features. hahahaha! the list for this would be much longer and i don't want to write samples. because i can't pick what i would want best. maybe julia robets', natalie portman's, johnny depp's and jude law's movies and great animations.

10. original music cds - the latest by parokya ni edgar matira matibay and solid, or their Christmas album, Jingle All the Way, the sound track of Rent, the sound track of 50 first dates, made of honor, runaway bride, and other romantic comedy flicks. Obviously, I love sound tracks and pne. And any other artist you might think would be good for me to listen to and hear.

... hmmm.. this list lacks something.. or someone.. but i know he won't be here on that day, even if just a greeting from him would do. haaay... *smitten*

prologue

this is to be discussed on a longer amount of time on hand. this is to be discussed with a much saner mind. but reading my old posts, back when i was all alone, or so i thought, i need to right about this.. my current state.

how am i doing? really..

i'm alone again. lonely, yes. but that's fine right? because i'm alone.

i still can smile. i can't laugh, for real, but i can smile. that's enough.

i know that there's an offer to be no longer alone, but is that the door to leave sadness as well.. maybe not.

i want my thoughts to be sorted out. i want to be able to decide and stand by them. my head aches, and i blame the physical aspects. but my chest aches too. i remember to have felt emotional pain that is so great that it's almost physical. now, i can't tell the difference.

all i need is to be loved. i have felt it. and i also felt it drift away.

i know i am the problem. or am i really? i just haven't found that one who would love me for me, inspite of me..

maybe bliss now realizes this. or maybe not. i guess, there's no telling what. until i take the plunge.

am i ready to fall flat on my face again? or should i just let it pass by?

procrastinating

i had a really bad day at the office today..

hate rain..

and i'm still not going home.. but i'm not doing any work..

just waiting for flor.

i don't know what to do when i get home. i need to do the laundry.. then, what.. i know i won't get a good sleep anyway. i might just read, or go back here.. then, sleep?

sh!+

i'm back to being the grumpy old me. someone who can't express herself but has all the emotions to back it up. tsk!

kung fu panda

most of jack black's movies give me the tendency to think that it's corny. well, this is not really his movie because this is an animation. i wanted to watch this movie but had hessitations.


kuya pat downloaded this movie and we had a lot of fun watching it! and since i am a self declared panda, i really enjoyed the movie!


Oogway:
There are no accidents.

---

[last lines]



Po:
You wanna get somethin' to eat?



Shifu:
[sighing] ... Yeah.

---

Po:
[serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star] Careful, that soup is... sharp!

---

Po:
Skadoosh!

---

Po:
There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.

---

Tai Lung:
You... you're just a big... fat... panda!



Po:
I'm not a big fat panda. I'm *the* big fat panda.

---

Tai Lung:
The Wuxi finger hold!



Po:
Oh, you know this hold?



Tai Lung:
You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.



Po:
Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!

---

Oogway:
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

---

[first lines]



Po:
Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.

---

Po:
It is said that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!

---

Mr. Ping:
We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.

---

Tigress:
It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.



Po:
Then I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. It's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.

---

Tigress:
[seeing Po bounce down the palace steps] If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.



Monkey:
But he will.



Viper:
He's not gonna quit, is he?



Mantis:
He's not gonna quit bouncing, I'll tell you that.

---

Tigress:
One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.



Crane:
Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.



Monkey:
Or even see his toes.

---

Po:
The Furious Five! You look a lot bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You're about the same.

---

Po:
The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!

---

Viper:
Are you ready?



Po:
I was born read...


[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]



Viper:
I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.



Po:
That was awesome! Let's go again!

---

Shifu:
Po, you're alive... or we're both dead.

---

Mantis:
Sorry, it's just hard to find the right nerve centers under all this...



Po:
Fat?



Mantis:
Fur. I was gonna say fur.



Po:
Sure you were.

---

Tai Lung:
But he's a panda!


[incredulous]



Tai Lung:
You're a panda!

---

Shifu:
One must first master the highest level of kung fu, and that is clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.



Po:
Someone like me?



Shifu:
Yes! Look at you! This fat butt-


[he whacks Po on his butt]



Po:
Aah!



Shifu:
..Flabby arms-


[he hits Po on his arm]



Po:
Those are sensitive in the flabby parts...



Shifu:
And this ridiculous belly!



Po:
Hey!



Shifu:
And your utter disregard for personal hygiene!



Po:
Now wait a minute, that was a little uncalled for-



Shifu:
Don't stand that close, I can smell your breath.



Po:
Listen, Oogway said that I was-


[Shifu grabs his finger and he gasps]



Po:
The Wuxi finger hold? No no, the Wuxi finger hold!



Shifu:
Oh-hoho, you know this hold?



Po:
Developed by Master Wuxi in the 3rd dynasty, yes!



Shifu:
Oh, then you must know what happens when I flex my pinkie?



Po:
[gasps] No no no no!



Shifu:
You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards.


[chuckles]



Po:
Okay.. Okay take it easy..


[Po falls to his knees]



Shifu:
Now listen closely, panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through, I promise you, you're going to wish he hadn't! Are we clear?



Po:
Oh, yeah! We're clear, we're clear, we're so clear!



Shifu:
Good.


[chuckles]



Shifu:
I can't wait to get started.

---

Oogway:
[walking towards Po] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!



Po:
[Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Oh! Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!

---

Zeng:
[watching Tai-Lung break out of his prison restraints] We're dead. So very, very dead.

---

Tai Lung:
What are you going to do, big guy? Sit on me?



Po:
Don't tempt me.

---

Po:
I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.

---

Shifu:
Believe me, citizens, you have not seen anything yet!



Po:
I know!

---

Shifu:
[intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon.] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!



Po:
Watch me!


[tries to run around Shifu]



Po:
Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs!



Shifu:
You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior!


[pokes Po in his stomach]



Po:
You don't believe that!


[Shifu swipes at his hand with Oogway's stick]



Po:
You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me!


[Shifu knocks him to the ground]



Shifu:
Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine.



Po:
You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior.



Shifu:
Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed!



Po:
Yeah, I stayed. I stayed because everytime you threw a brick at my head or said I smelled; it hurt, but it could never hurt more than everyday of my life just being me. I stayed because I thought if anyone can change me, can make me not me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China!



Shifu:
I can change you! I can turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will!



Po:
Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are *you* gonna change *this* into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How? How? How!



Shifu:
I don't know!


[sighs]



Shifu:
I don't know.



Po:
[sighs and frowns sadly] That's what I thought.

---

Shifu:
But who? Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?



Oogway:
I don't know.

---

Po:
No! The Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army!



Po:
[whispering to the urn] Hello?



Shifu:
[from behind Po] Have you finished sight-seeing?



Po:
[stunned, thinking the voice had come from the urn] Sorry, I should've come to see you first.



Shifu:
My patience is wearing thin.



Po:
Oh, well, I mean it's not like you were going anywhere.

---

Shifu:
Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.



Tigress:
The panda?



Shifu:
Yes, the panda!



Tigress:
Master, please!


[pushes chair out]



Tigress:
Let us stop Tai Lung, this is what you've trained us for!



Shifu:
No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung, it is his!


[points at Po, then realizes he's not there]



Shifu:
Where'd he go?

---

Oogway:
One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.

---

Shifu:
When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate, you stink.


[Po frowns]



Shifu:
But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you is with this.


[pulls out a bowl of dumplings]



Po:
Oh great, 'cause I am hungry!



Shifu:
[laughs] Good. When you have been trained, you may eat. Let's begin.

---

Tigress:
Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before... or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he's stuck with you, a big, fat panda who treats it like a joke.


[Po makes a sudden funny face and Tigress gets angry and attempts to smack him]



Tigress:
Oh that is it!



Mantis:
Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!


[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]



Mantis:
And may have also stopped his heart.

---

Po:
[looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!

---

Tai Lung:
I have come home, master.



Shifu:
This is no longer your home and I am no longer your master.



Tai Lung:
Oh yes. You have a new favorite. So where is this Po?


[chuckles]



Tai Lung:
Did I scare him off?



Shifu:
This battle is between you and me.



Tai Lung:
So, that is how it's going to be.



Shifu:
That is how it must be.



Tai Lung:
[growls] I rotted in jail for 20 years because of *your* weakness!



Shifu:
Obeying your master is not weakness!



Tai Lung:
You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? Nothing!



Shifu:
You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior, that was not my fault!



Tai Lung:
Not your fault? Who filled my head with dreams? Who drove me to train until my bones cracked? Who did I feed my destiny!



Shifu:
It was never my decision to make!



Tai Lung:
[snarls and holds up Oogway's stick] It is now.

---

Po:
Maybe I should just quit and go back to selling noodles.



Oogway:
Quit, don't quit? Noodles, don't noodles?

---

Po:
[breathing heavily] I know you're trying to be all mystical and Kung Fu-ey, but could you tell me where we're going?

---

Po:
[after being hit in the crotch] Oh! My tenders!

---

Po:
[checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay?



Shifu:
[coughs] Po, you're alive. Or we're both dead.



Po:
No, Master I didn't die. I defeated Tai Lung.



Shifu:
You did?


[Po nods and smiles]



Shifu:
Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and... and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.


[slowly lays his head back down, assumingly dead]



Po:
[Po looks disbelievingly at the red panda] No! No no no, don't die, Shifu please!



Shifu:
I'm not dying, you idiot!


[he catches himself]



Shifu:
Ah, Dragon Warrior, I am simply at peace.


[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling]



Shifu:
Finally.



Po:
Ooh, so um, I should.. stop talking?



Shifu:
If you can.

---

Shifu:
[after having dragged Po up the mountain and said Panda is trying to cool down.] Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.



Po:
[quickly shakes his hand off] The Pool of-?



Shifu:
This is where Oogway unraveled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This is the birth place of kung fu.


[Po is shocked, and it shows a glimpse of Oogway before Shifu jumps up to a giant rock]



Shifu:
Do you want to learn kung fu?



Po:
Yah!



Shifu:
Then I *am* your master!



Po:
Okay!


[sniffles]



Shifu:
Don't cry.



Po:
Okay.


[wipes his nose and smiles]

---

Po:
[standing before a training dummy] Hey, what you got? You got nothing because I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to feel the thunder. Come out with the crazy feet. What you goin' to do about the crazy feet. I'm a blur! I'm a blur! You never seen *Bear* style!

---

Monkey:
[after the Furious Five bowed to Po in his dream] We should hang out.



Po:
Agreed.

---

Mr. Ping:
The secret ingredient is ... nothing!



Po:
Huh?



Mr. Ping:
You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.



Po:
Wait, wait ... it's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?



Mr. Ping:
Don't have to. To make something special you just have to believe it's special.



Po:
There is no secret ingredient ...

---

Mr. Ping:
[after Po told him he had dream about noodle] This is a sign, Po!



Po:
Uh, a sign of what?



Mr. Ping:
You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father who took it over from his father who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong.

addicted to the beijing olympics

okay, i know that if i'm a real addict i would be there watching it live, but i have no means. hehehe! but i just love the thought of having history unfold before my very eyes. okay, it's different and sometimes seeing it on television doesn't count, but what the heck.

i loved the openning ceremonies. it's really amazing. although there's a boring part, but over all, it was breath taking.

i saw michael phelps achieve his first gold of 8 (is that right).

i saw the first gold medal given out, i think. it was for women's shooting. hehehe!

i loved the costumes of the usherettes.

i saw the "tie" of the uneven bars competition. i'm not really well versed in gymnastics, so, i'm not really sure who should win.

although i didn't see it, my crush ranked 23rd in her division and #6 of Spain, i think it's Marc Gasol.. ;)

and i found my animal! i'm a panda! hehehehe!

Jingjing makes children smile -- and that's why he brings the blessing of happiness wherever he goes. You can see his joy in the charming naivety of his dancing pose and the lovely wave of his black and white fur. As a national treasure and a protected species, pandas are adored by people everywhere. The lotus designs in Jingjing's headdress, which are inspired by the porcelain paintings of the Song Dynasty (A.D.960-1234), symbolize the lush forest and the harmonious relationship between man and nature. Jingjing was chosen to represent our desire to protect nature's gifts -- and to preserve the beauty of nature for all generations. Jingjing is charmingly naïve and optimistic. He is an athlete noted for strength who represents the black Olympic ring.

mind occupied, time flies

one of the tips i got in how to move on or at least stop from moping around, is to read..

fist of, my gayness has been fulfilled. i was able to finish orosa nakpil, malate by Louie Mar A. Gangcuangco. of course, as usual, i was in tears in some parts of the book. it was during angelo's revelation of who he is in ross' life. haaay.. i just find those kind of things unfair.

then, i realized my therapy would not be working this way.. so, i resorted to another book. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Bloom. Haaay.. i managed to stop the tears from flowing but there were a lot of points i would wish to keep. and i would really want to have a copy of my own. i just borrowed from Kuya Pat.

Okay, the therapy was kind of working but i was still thinking a lot and still not being able to get some sleep.

Then, i found a new book in Book Sale. Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. Love it! It was a breath of fresh air. Hahahahahahaah! I really am a frustrated murderer.

I'm still in need of another book. I bought one but it's a romantic novel, so, it might just bring me to tears again. Any suggestions?

I feel, like you don't want me around

Always by Saliva



I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"

It's telling me all of these things

That you would probably hide!

Am I your one and only desire?

Am I the reason you breathe,

Or am I the reason you cry?



Always, always, always,

I just can't live without you!



I love you!

I hate you!

I can't get around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you!

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess then I'm out that door

And now I'm done with you!



(Done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you)



I feel, like you don't want me around

I guess I'll pack all my things

I guess ill see you around

It's all, been bottled up till now

As I walk out your door

All I can hear is the sound of



Always, always, always,

I just can't live without you!



I love you,

I hate you,

I can't get around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you,

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess that I'm out the door

And now I'm done with you.



I love you,

I hate you,

I just can't live without you.



I wrap my hand around your heart,

Why would you tear my world apart?



Always, always, always, always.



I see, the blood all over your hands

Does it make you feel, more like a man?

Was it all, just a part of your plan?

The pistol's shakin' in my hands

And all I hear is the sound!



I love you,

I hate you,

I can't get around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you,

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess then I'm out that door

And now i'm done with you.



I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live without you!

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live without you.

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I pick myself off the floor,

And now I'm done with you.



Always,

Always,

Always.

my birth chart

This birth chart shows the positions of the planets of Laarni Lopez

The planets in the signs

The position of the planets in the signs of the Zodiac has an influence on the character of the individual and these influences form a large part of the individual psyche.

Sun in Virgo

She is ingenious, sharp customer, discerning, crafty, diplomatic. To the point and subtle in speech, she is a real diplomat.

Weaknesses: petty and over-critical. Over-attention to detail, nit-picking and fussy.

Moon in Gemini

Sharp intellect. She likes literature, adapts to all situations and social groups. Work in contact with the public, literary occupations, travel.

Weaknesses: lack of follow-up of ideas, indecision, goes back on decisions.

Mercury in Virgo

She discusses, deduces and judges. She reasons logically and accurately.

Weaknesses: she is easily irritable and nervous. She tells off and criticizes. She is impulsive and manic.

Venus in Libra

Happiness is found in marriage, living with another. She is devoted, tender, affectionate, gentle. Love is a matter of charm, rapture, delicacy. She cannot hide her love, but needs legal recognition. She wants all the marriage rites.

Weaknesses: she likes to be worshipped, enjoys flattery and likes to be surrounded by her inner circle. This causes a few problems after marriage.

Mars in Sagittarius

Fights against principles, society or a philosophy. Reasoning, ability to explain things, logic and debate.

Weaknesses: she goes to excess in the battle against moral or other principles. Has a somewhat revolutionary spirit, is intrepid but presumptuous.

Jupiter in Capricorn

She has great professional aspirations. She likes to direct, organize. She is correct, virtuous, conscientious and worthy.

Weaknesses: without doubt too avaricious, eager for gain.

Saturn in Scorpio

Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep her cool.

Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. She can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.

Uranus in Sagittarius

She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.

Neptune in Sagittarius

Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

Pluto in Scorpio

Great sexual activity.

Sign and ascendant

Virgo ascendant Libra

The planets in the houses

The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.

Sun in XII

Professional success in isolated occupations. Work in laboratories, scientific research, police, information services, hospitals.

Moon in IX

Highly imaginative. Prolonged studies, is intuitive. Professionally successful abroad, or in import-export or as a diplomat. Contact with foreigners. Long journeys. Ability to learn foreign languages.

Mercury in XII

She has difficulty expressing herself, especially when young. Does not talk much, she does not speak for the sake of it. She works in remote and quiet places. She is discrete and philosophical.

Venus in I

Big-hearted. She is generous, altruistic, devoted, warm-hearted, lovable and sweet-tempered. She is drawn towards the Arts, music, song. She likes gatherings, parties. She has big emotional highs. Peaceful life in love.

Mars in III

Lively spirit, alert and ingenious but sarcastic, critical, provocative. She is quarrelsome. Expresses herself easily, does what she wants: success is at the end of the road. She is capable and acts quickly.

Jupiter in IV

She likes and believes in justice. She is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for her. She likes comfort, well-being at home. She knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: her house is always open to friends.

Saturn in II

If she is rich, will always give the impression of being in financial difficulties. If she is broke, she gives the same impression - this time with reason. She has difficulty earning money: her work is tiresome and laborious.

Uranus in III

She is curious and inventive. If she does not study for a long time, she will be self-taught. She is intelligent, with a strong personality. She does not like routine and will regularly go on mission for work purposes.

Neptune in III

She has a lot of imagination, high ideals. She is nostalgic. Likes studying.

The houses in the signs

Ascendant in Libra

She will never leave the beaten track. Married and not living with a partner, if she gets involved in politics it will be in a recognized party and naturally one in power etc...

She is sociable, diplomatic in everything. Likes the Arts.

House II in Scorpio

Financial success will come either through a job connected with death, (funeral director, forensic surgeon, monumental mason etc...) or thanks to an inheritance.

House III in Sagittarius

She will study for a long time, will be erudite. Very intelligent, an open and independent spirit, will have a connection with foreign countries. Fertile intelligence.

House IV in Capricorn

After working all her life to obtain her objectives and finally having reached that goal, she wants to retire in peace and quiet and to have a retirement full of contemplation, with few tasks, close to nature. As she was very careful with money all her life, she will administer the properties she has acquired.

House V in Aquarius

Doesn't like routine and the banal. She is romantic, full of fantasy and imagination. She is also a friend one can count on.

House VI in Pisces

Job in commerce. Weak point: the kidneys.

House VII in Aries

Love-at-first-sight, marries without thinking. Doesn't want to change her habits, so domestic quarrels to be foreseen.

House VIII in Taurus

Happy old age, natural death. Inheritance.

House IX in Gemini

Likes studying, is open to anything new, accepts and recognizes her errors, always develops in a positive sense. Likes travel, discovery, meeting new people and knows how to appreciate them.

House X in Cancer

Likes contact with the public, the crowd. Profession that involves meeting a lot of people. Professional success thanks to sense of duty and application to her work.

House XI in Leo

Friends are not always chosen by chance. Even if the feelings of friendship are sincere, these friends must automatically bring something - professional help for example.

House XII in Virgo

Work in a research lab.

Interplanetary aspects

The interplanetary aspects have a strong influence on the character and disposition of the individual and, consequently, on her destiny.

The conjunction aspect is variable and depends above all on the nature of the conjoint planets.

-261 Opposition Moon - Mars

She is very emotional and is driven to do things by her emotions. She does not think things over or through in a given situation. She is irascible and sometimes violent. Marital disputes.

213 Trine Moon - Venus

She is gracious, sweet and gay. She likes pleasure and entertainment, but also the Arts. She needs tenderness, loves and wants children. She appreciates home life in a comfortable atmosphere.

186 Sextile Venus - Mars

She is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. She is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. She enjoys life to the full.

136 Conjunction Sun - Ascendant

-116 Square Mercury - Uranus

She likes polemic, to criticize and, above all, to contradict. She lacks diplomacy and tends to dissipate her energy. She cannot stay in the same place, likes change even if it means a backward step in her professional career.

70 Conjunction Jupiter - Neptune

She is very generous and altruistic, helping people in difficulty or sick people. She knows how to listen or, at least, how to give that impression. She is a dreamer, with lots of imagination: she likes the Arts.

54 Conjunction Mars - Uranus

She possesses exceptional energy. She is impulsive but bold. She takes on risky enterprises for the good of the community, with all the energy she possesses. She has a great need of her independence, likes her freedom of action.

-50 Square Sun - Neptune

Her imagination turns to internal day-dreaming: she is easily influenced, and complicates life unnecessarily. She does not bring plans to a conclusion. The dream-world is enough.

46 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

43 Trine Mercury - Jupiter

She is intelligent, has big ideas: she is tolerant and has a strong sense of justice. She has good judgement, good sense and has her feet on the ground. She has the "gift of the gab", and likes to speak, she also likes literature. She is erudite and will normally be successful socially.

-39 Opposition Jupiter - Midheaven

She likes to vaunt herself too much, is pretentious. Only one thing interests her: herself - and she brings every conversation around to herself. She has highs and lows in her professional life.

-27 Opposition Neptune - Midheaven

She lacks assurance, self-confidence. She does not always choose the right path.

21 Sextile Jupiter - Pluto

She likes to direct, is intelligent and is an organizer of the first order.

-17 Square Jupiter - Ascendant

She does not listen to those around her, she is pretentious and goes to excess when eating.

-13 Square Sun - Moon

13 Trine Pluto - Midheaven

She uses all her energy to succeed professionally. She has a good sense of organization and authority.

-10 Square Neptune - Ascendant

She is very easily influenced and fragile. She suffers disappointments.

new songs, for me at least

Healing Star by Dishwalla



I know how much you've paid

It just seems so insane, anyway and

I know we're not the same

I wish I was the best thing that you've ever had



Chorus

Let me be your healing star

Let me take you far from there

And take you anywhere

Let me be your healing star

Let me take you far from there

And take you anywhere



I know it felt like home

The rats inside your bones took you far away and

To miss it seems insane

To wish it was the best thing that you've ever had



Chorus



I know I'd be happier

I know I'd be happier, inside you

I know I'd be happier

Inside you, Inside



Chorus



Just let me be your

Just let me be your

Just let me be your healing star

Ooh, Ooh, Ahh



I'll take you anywhere

Ooh






Blurry by Puddle of Mind



Everything’s so blurry

And everyone's so fake

And everybody’s empty

And everything is so messed up

Pre-occupied without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl



You could be my someone

You could be my sea

You know that I’ll protect you

From all of the obscene

I wonder what you're doing

Imagine where you are

There’s oceans in between us

But that’s not very far



Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?



Everyone is changing

There’s no one left that’s real

So make up your own ending

And let me know just how you feel

'Cause I am lost without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl



You could be my someone

You could be my sea

You know that I will save you

From all of the unclean

I wonder what you're doing

I wonder where you are

There’s oceans in between us

But that’s not very far



Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?

This pain you gave to me



Oh, Nobody told me what you thought

Nobody told me what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Told you where to run away

Nobody told you where to hide

Nobody told you what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Showed you where to run away



Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?

This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When ya shoved it in my face?

This pain you gave to me



No, this pain you gave to me

Take it all away

Take it all away

Pain ya gave to me

Take it all away

This pain you gave to me

Take it all away

This pain you gave to me

adding art in my life

Cinemalaya Independent Film Festival is a film festival in the Philippines committed to the development and promotion of Filipino independent films. The organizers hope that through the festival, young filmmakers will be able to express their own concepts freely and not be limited by the industry's present condition, where artistic integrity is sacrificed in the pursuit of commercial success.

For the 2008 2008 Cinemalaya Independent Film Festival, I was able to watch "Baby Angelo" and "My Fake American Accent", with Kiki last July 18. I may have no pictures to show but I have my tickets here.. and they're student tickets, even if I fail to bring my ID.

Of course, we watched "Baby Angelo" because our friend, Ate Rhap, was on the film. I really think it was the epitome of Independent Films. With the mysterious, mind boggling plot and the type of cinematography, it was no mistake to be an Indi Film.

It's a story of a fetus found on the trash bin of an apartment complex and the search for the mother of the unborn child. And the lives of the tenants.

"Baby Angelo" would make you ask questions, but not all of it will be answered. It would leave you conjuring up your own conclusions. Which is sort of fun for me.

Congratulations to "Baby Angelo" for winning the Best Production Design.

Too bad I wasn't able to catch "Jay". It won Best Film.

"My Fake American Accent" was about the Call Center life. I'm not sure why I wasn't able to appreciate it that much. I asked myself if I would appreciate it if wasn't part of the world they were portraying, but if not, I might get bored as well. Sorry.. There were a lot of factors that I did not really like, but I would not dwell on that much. I'm not a professional movie critic anyway.

Well, it was a breath of fresh air watching those movies, or just by being with an old friend, or just by being in CCP and be surrounded by artists. We saw Eugene Domingo, Tess Jamias, Angel Jacob and the directors, not all thaough.

I still wished I have seen the movie with my friends the previous day, but I needed to go to work.

I'm planning to attend more events in CCP. I miss going to UP and watching plays, but it makes me miss performing, a lot. Soon again, maybe.

I have a lot of plans before the year ends, I just hope they will all come to pass. Well, that's for another blog entry.. soon!

stay out

If you'll notice, I never asked, when you will be coming back.. I want you to tell me. And I want you to be glad to be doing so.

There's this gutt feeling that you don't want to come back here anymore. And I sort of predicted that that would happen once you leave. It may be the reason why I wanted you to go. To get this done and over with. You, leaving.

I know I have been thinking that you don't want to go back, but I guess, emotions are something you can't really prepare for.

You left, and you're not coming back. You didn't tell me, but you told someone else.

So, I'm not really sure know what's hurting, you, not coming back or you, not telling me. All I know is, both does.

ode to joy

why don't i write when i'm happy?

why can't i make the words flow when i'm in love?

i thought of writing here while i was happy and in love. well, i did. there was a time that i did. and i was lost for words.

i thought of doing it again today, but then, before i got here, i managed to mess everything up.

life is a viscious cycle, yet it's equally viscious to end it.

reasons. i'm always in search for reasons. maybe i don't really know the reasons or i don't want the reasons i come up with to be right.

hard work

one of the hard lessons in life is knowing that not all things come easy, you have to work hard. and sometimes, you need to work harder for some things than most. i guess, you just keep your eyes on the prize, and all the heartaches, hardships and pain will all pay off at the end of the race. it's all worth it.

just glad to be smiling again. thanks!

bound to fail

you have the power to make a day the best or the worst day of my life..

i'm afraid you unconsciously chose the latter.

i would be telling a life if i'll say i am miserable, because i'm not. but it would be an equal lie to say i'm perfectly fine.

i'm sure you'll ask what the hell's wrong with me, i'm about to say, "you." but deep inside i know that's just pain talking.

i'm a nut case. i don't have the answers to your questions or the reasons for my actions, but they are seen, said, heard and felt. they just can't be confined in words, and i have no means of letting you understand, but just hoping you'd know.

but i guess, not.

i don't want to count to reasons to stay and the reasons to go. i'm sure, the signs will show.

all i want is the best for you, but i guess, i'm the worst thing that happened in your life. at least, you make me feel that way.

someday, eventually, in the undetermined time in the future, we'd know.

i told you, it would be between your birthday and mine. i don't know what to hope, to be right or to be wrong.

the true me?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you are a bit stingy. You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities. The hidden side of your personality tends to be methodical in your ways - with trouble adapting to the rules of society. You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's The True You?

wanted: best friend

i can't remember having best friend during the early years of my childhood. well, maybe i did, but if i look at it now. not that i was already considering one at that time.

so, i guess the first one was during our 5th grade. then, she got too serious with her studies during the 6th grade. then, she moved to a different high school.

then, i have another best friend. we don't call each other best friends because she has another, and i have another. but when it really comes down to it, we are the best friends. sophomore year of high school came and there are other things i like that she doesn't really enjoy.

had a whole bunch of good people to hang out with, laugh with.. but no best friend was emerging. until we discovered the same passion for books and hanging out. until now, we still consider ourselves to be best friends. but it's really hard to be best friends if you live in different countries now. plus, she's already married. i wasn't even there when they exchanged vows.

then, there was this girl who really hated me because she thought that i was an enemy, a rival in all that she has. i did make her run for her money, but i have not intentions of doing so. then, we became best friends too. among my high school friends she has the most number of letters given to me!

oooh! i had a best friend before the fifth grade! she was just younger than me. but we were so young then, that we don't really have much problems to share. we don't get to hang out a lot because people our age at that time don't do that. what we do is we exchange letters. everyday. with nothing much on it. then we moved, and they moved. i haven't seen her again, but we have connections now. we somehow found our way to each other. but there are a lot of years in between and it doesn't come back that easy. so, friends.. yeah. a little, i guess. i hope.

back to one of my high school best friends. well, we sort of made it until after high school but then she got pregnant and was ashamed of it, so she vanished. sort of. and it's like she hates us all now. i don't really get it. but there.

then freshman of college. had a best friend, too. but i don't remember calling her my best friend and vice versa. maybe it was just a given. but there were differences that we can't seem to settle. it was like we discovered we shouldn't have been best friends in the first place. cruel, but somehow true. we'd still look at our days together with a smile. no hard feelings. ugly but what the heck.

then, i had my second boy friend. and yes, he was my best friend. through and through. but the relationship has to end. even if i still wanted us to be best friends, he can't have it that way. so, i have to let go.

kampai. ba_rockz. kiki. time also passed and we all went our separate ways. college ended. they will always have a very special portion in my heart. they are the best friends that i had or still have that will know no time or space. they have seen my worst and all. so, i know i have a family to go home to. it's just sad that we don't see each other that much anymore. maybe after her board exams.

then, my batchmates at work. one got sick, the other one, was not really one, just insisted to be.

the skinny bitch came to my life. i'm not sure if she's on her way out. i hope not. but things are complicated now. well, a little. i miss our simple lives. just the two of us.

you ask how about? sprinkles.

she's not ready to be my best friend yet. she still has one. and there's this thought that she will fail at that department. maybe one day.

but for now, i'm alone.

grey's anatomy: my new ally mcbeal

MEREDITH: "Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

- romantic, but i don't want to say this.. even if I think I already did.. in a way or another

GEORGE: "I guess we can't really complain about karma. It's not unfair. It's not unexpected. It just evens the score."

- yeah..

MEREDITH: "I guess we're adults. The question is, when did that happen, and how do we make it stop?"

- I'm wondering the same thing..

ALEX: [to teenage patient who asks him to kiss her]: "Hey, listen. For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something... to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere... a kiss so hot and so deep that you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. You don't want to. Trust me. When you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."

- suweeet..

DEREK: [pauses] "I'm not saying this to hurt you, or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you."

- contradicting.. ironic.. but something i understand.

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Nobody likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. Still there are times when it just gets away from you, when the world stops spinning, when you realize your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. It's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to the free fall. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you."

- i miss my friends.. the ones that i'm sure will catch me.. or at least try.

DEREK: "You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know."

- just when i thought it was fresh air.. i got suffocated.

MEREDITH: "You really should take something."
CRISTINA: "Drugs are for babies."
IZZIE: "I hate Alex."
CRISITNA: "And the non sequitur award goes to..."
IZZIE: "I’m sorry, but I just hate Alex."
MEREDITH: "I broke up with Derek."
CRISTINA: "Burke wants to have a relationship."
IZZIE: "Boys are stupid."

- i miss my girl friends.. ba_rockz

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."

- oh, pain..

DENNY: "Hey."
IZZIE: "Hey."
DENNY: "Do you believe in karma?"
IZZIE: "Actually, I do."
DENNY: "I think you might be mine."
IZZIE: "Well then you must have been very very good to deserve me."

- so, you tell me now if i have been good or have i been bad.. most will say the latter.

DENNY: "Hey. Don’t you have somewhere to be?"
IZZIE: "Yeah. Yeah I do. I’m there."
DENNY: [smiles] "Good."

- so, where am i exactly?

PRESTON: [enters his apartment] "I am Preston Burke. I am a widely renowned cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am a professional and moreover I am a good, kind person. I am a person that cleans up after himself. I am a great cook. And you? You are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke. And you... are the most competitive, guarded, stubborn... the most challenging person I have ever met. And I love you. Why the hell won't you just let me?
CRISTINA: "I gave up my apartment 20 minutes ago."
PRESTON: [pauses] "Well, alright then."

- sooo suuweeet!

MARK: "But what if you're wrong? Just this once, what if life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?"

- hahahaha! hurgh!

MEREDITH: [narrating] "I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope."

- haaaaay..

GEORGE: "Why is he suturing his own face?"
CRISTINA: "To turn me on..."
ALEX: "Because he's Mark Sloan. The guy is like the go-to plastic surgeon on the east coast."
GEORGE: "That’s the guy Addison was sleeping with."
IZZIE: "Can you really blame her?"
CRISTINA: "No, not really."
GEORGE: "Yes, you can."
MEREDITH: "Well McSexy wants an X-ray to check for fractures and I think it’s a bad idea if I go with him."
GEORGE: "Why?"
ALEX: "I'm on it."
GEORGE: "Why is that a bad idea?"
CRISTINA: "McSexy?"
MEREDITH: "That's not right."
IZZIE: "McYummy?"
CRISTINA: "Mmm... no."
MEREDITH: "McSteamy."
CRISTINA: "There it is!"
IZZIE: "Yup."
GEORGE: "Allow me to choke back some McVomit."

- bwahahahahaha!

somewhere along in the bitterness

How To Save A Life

The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

deleted messages

expect the worst but don't expect..

it's better to be lonely alone, than lonely with someone..

love is wasted on me..

what am i so afraid of?

you can't buy love, but i know you can rent it..

do you lack something your partner could not live without?

why do we keep on pushing the self-distruct button?

you really are after love..

keep your guard up..

nobody said it would be easy. in fact, they said it would be so hard.

no matter how hard you try to understand, with or without explanation, there are things you are not meant to get.

how do you let someone know that you are in desperate need of a hug when all that's coming out of your mouth is, "don't touch me!"

is there really a check list you should go through before showing your affection?

why can't i let you know i'm in pain?

what am i supposed to do when you're hurting?

why are there words i can't say and things i can't explain?

i don't think you can accept the real me. it's not that what you know is fake. it's just that that's who i am with everyone. it's like you don't know the deeper me. and i think, you can't take it.

i don't know the definition of mad, angry, irritated, furious and hate; much more their differences.

there's really nothing i can do about it. can we just let it go?