what you missed

a whole chapter of my life..

a part that i sort of want to erase but was able to make me happy.. so, i'm not sure if i regret it or what.

all i can say is i'm sorry. but what does sorry really mean?

Saying you're sorry is called apologizing. When you apologize, you're telling someone that you're sorry for the hurt you caused, even if you didn't do it on purpose. People who are apologizing might also say that they will try to do better. They might promise to fix or replace what was broken or take back a mean thing they said.

How Does It Make You Feel?

When you apologize to someone — and really mean it — it's because you have stopped to think about how the person may have felt because of what you did or said. When you stop to think about the other person's feelings, you begin to feel sorry for your behavior. You might even feel embarrassed or ashamed if you did something that you knew was wrong.

Even if what happened was an accident or you did something you didn't mean to do, you would probably still feel sorry if you knew the other person's feelings were hurt. After apologizing, you might feel a little better (the other person probably will, too). When you apologize in a caring way, you can feel good because you are trying to make things right again.

Does Apologizing Fix Everything?

Saying I'm sorry when you need to is the right thing to do. It does a lot of good. But by itself, it might not be enough to make everything all better again. Sometimes along with an apology, a person needs to fix the mistake or say they will try to do better. Sometimes doing a nice thing for the person after you apologize helps show that you really are sorry and want to be friendly again.

Sometimes a heartfelt "I'm sorry" fixes everything right away. Other times, it might take a while for someone to feel friendly after you apologize. You might need to give the other person some time. Even after you say you're sorry, you might still feel bad about what you said or did — but you can feel good about apologizing and about making up your mind to do better.

When someone apologizes to you, you might not feel like being friendly again right away. Once in a while, if a person doesn't change, you might not want to be friends anymore. You might feel relieved and glad that the other person apologized and admitted being wrong. But if someone keeps behaving in mean ways or does something that keeps hurting, you might not feel the same way anymore. Just because someone apologizes to you doesn't mean you have to be friendly again. That part is up to you.

from www.kidshealth.org

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11 Painful Things

11 Painful Things

1. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget. stitch

2. Reminiscin' the good times. stitch

3. Trying to hide what you really feel. stitch

4. Loving someone who loves another. too many to mention.. will, empi

5. Having a commitment with someone that you know wouldn't last. stitch

6. Shielding your heart to love somebody. will, stitch,

7. Loving a person too much. stitch

8. Right love at the wrong time. jimmy

9. Taking risk to fall in love again. stitch, ron, right now

10. Accepting that it was never meant to be. stitch

11. What if's... will, jimmy, empi and crushes..

.. and karen was skeptic that i indeed experienced everything on the list.

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confession

i texted.. i asked.. and as usual.. no reply. since, this would be nothing new, i was not disappointed. i would even be scared if there was a reply since, basically, i don't think i'm ready.. in every aspect.

i stopped myself from texting him.. because i don't really know what to say.. wel, there are things i want to say, but all would look very trampy.. and i don't want that. i even thought of sending out an email with his message, period. but that would be so, untimely. i think. i should wait till my birthday, maybe and make sure i have no extra baggage left.

as usual, this would once again test my patience. can i hold that long or if i'll be able to, would i still do it?

so far, i don't think i was able to do such.. wait to do something. i was able to wait, but was not able to do what i wanted to.. i was able to do things, but earlier than the period of time i've set. breaking my own words.

so, basically, i'm not over him. maybe i never will, since i almost had him. almost.

hmm.. let me make a list of the guys i almost had.. so, that excludes those who still wants me.

brian, chito, viktor, will, cedo..

and they all ended up on the same spot. girl friend. some already have, others on the rocks and the rest ended up having one, and that's not me. hmpf! heheh! but that's okay.. *with a tight tummy*

moral lesson of the story: run away from scenes that has the potential of ending up the same way with arms wildly waving and don't forget to scream.

but pretty much i was able to get over them eventually. i can't say who was the hardest to get over with. so, this would. well, all would.

the things is, until then i can't say..

but pretty much, learn from your mistakes and put your motto in life to use.

hmm.. i'm okay again!

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movie trivia: dead man's chest

• The gigantic wheel weighed at 1800 pounds standing at 18 feet tall.
• Bill Nighy performed most of his role as Davy Jones in motion capture suit, later to be created entirely with CGI
• First film to feature Disney's new logo, a computer-generated model of the Magic Kingdom, replacing the blue and white silhouette.
• The game that Will Turner plays with Davy Jones with the dice is called Liar's Dice, a gambling game where each player has to make consecutively higher bids based upon how many of each die they claim are on the table (two threes, four fives, etc), until a player is called a liar, in which case all the dice are shown and it's seen if the bid is correct.
  
• At $132 million dollars domestically in its opening weekend, this movie smashed the previously believed "unbreakable" record of $114.8 million dollars that Spider-Man held. It is the biggest weekend opener of all time.
  

I reall can't get over this movie.. Really is comparable to Empire Strikes Back...

I cried.. I believe twice.. When Will's dad was to whip him and when Jack died.. woohoo! what a spoiler! heheheh!

I loved the fight scenes.. specially with the wheel.

After the movie, people were clapping their hands and basically everyone let out a sigh of aggravation! waaah! a real cliff hanger, but you would not mind the time and feel that there's another installment. You'll be really caught unaware..

Loved the movie!

Before watching I told my friend that I missed Johnny Depp, then he said, he misses Orlando Bloom, I told him, I don't miss Orlando, he always goes to our place, that's why.. heheheheh!

aaawww.. i can't help but think of the person whom i really associate the face of orlando bloom with.. haaay.. but that's okay. a good feeling actually.

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just popped out of my mind

for no one in particular.. (defensive?!?)

Beginning Today
Agot Isidro

Beginning today I promise you
I give my heart to you
Beginning today I promise to
Never part from you
From now on I will be right by your side
And I swear other things I'll put aside
Beginning today
Beginning today
(I promise you I give my heart to you)
Beginning today there's no one else
On my mind
Beginning today there's nobody else
Right here inside my heart
From now on I will be right by your side
And I swear other things I'll put aside
From now on there'll be no one else on my mind
Beginning today (Beginning today)
Beginning today
(I promise you)
Beginning today
(I give my heart to you)
From now on I will be right by your side
And I'd swear other things I'll put aside
From now on there'll be no one else on my mind
Beginning today (Beginning today)
Beginning today
And I'd swear other things I'll put aside
From now on there'll be no one else on my mind
Beginning today
Beginning today
(I promise you I give my heart to you)
Beginning today

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waaah!

while i was searching for monologues for kiki.. i found this.. and it just killed me..

A letter
by Emily Picha
Maria and her boyfriend have not been able to see each other for a few months since they met at a youth retreat. They have been keeping in touch via letters and phone calls, and this is a particular rough spot.


I'm better. Had a conference with myself. Just wanted you to know that. I have some questions. If we were able to see eachother more would it make it any better? If we were able to talk on the phone more would it make it okay? If we were able to talk about our lives instead of our feelings in our letters would it make it better? I don't know. I just can't end this. That would make me feel really horrible. But you're going to do what you're going to do. I'm sad and sick and sorry about your letter. And I'm sorry you've been depressed about this, I haven't because I've been ecstatic about the whole concept of you.

But if we stop talking now, what do we do when we see eachother and I have feelings for you still? Can I hug you? Kiss you? Or do I have to act like a saint because we're "friends?"

I guess I'll just deal with it when the time comes. If you want to stop writing you won't touch the keyboard. And I'll fight my hardest trying not to touch mine. I'll erase you from my address book. But you won't be erased from my mind.

I don't understand how you can go from being mooshy and "I want to hold you"-icious to wanting to be platonic. I don't understand how people can just STOP having "feelings" for eachother. That doesn't happen! I can't just install a stop sign in our intersecting lives (oh gee i'm gettin very metaphoric). If you want to come up here the week after school ends the doors are open. If you don't want to be involved then I guess you won't make the trip. I want you to hold me again. I want the chance to have my FIRST kiss. WITH YOU.

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pain

a symptom of some physical hurt or disorder

emotional distress; a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid

a somatic sensation of acute discomfort

cause emotional anguish or make miserable

there. proven my theory once again that i'm not meant to be happy for a long time. i'm still not sure though what to change or what to think because there are a lot of things that are different and a lot of things did change along the process. i'm sometimes thinking about how or why and what. i don't want to think. but keeping myself from thinking would give me headaches and a tremendous heavy feeling inside my chest that i'm no longer certain if it's something physical or something emotional.

i want to talk to them. or at least write. but i don't seem to be fit yet to do so. it was fun reading my past entry that has the same concept. i even thought of doing that but maybe not today.

who's singing?

in less than two hours i'd be going home.. i think.

and i've been stopping myself to write. but then again, i just can't resist to pour out my thoughts.

actually there are a lot of things to figure and straighten out. how? i used to believe whenever i write i'm able to do that but it just helps to release the feeling but it don't really give me out the answers to the questions i have.

i know how brain stimulation gives me the rush and having the lack of it for quite sometime now and being able to quench the thirst, i'm all giddy..

waaaah!!

for all the types of emotion that may apply to that applies to me now. the loneliness, happiness and insanity all rolled inside my chest. but the freaky part is that the happiness is the one that seems to be surfacing. this is scary even. oops, add fear! hahahah!

i'm used to things not going my way. i won't be surprised if all would just end up as a big pile of heap. so, there.

i would need time on my own. time to live for me for once. but of course if someone would like to come with me, i believe hearts will always have room for people. right?!?

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proof

inbox

thanks 4 getting my mind off things. btw, i'l be able to close everything today, and hopefully, you'll be ther with me to open a new chapter. take care din po..

don't be mad, pero di ako nakapagreply kasi i fell asleep, and i appreciate your honesty. there's nothing that would make me happier than to be with you. and only you.

let's keep this between us for now ok? i hope when you read these messages you'll think of me as someone who'll be there for you, i want a new chapter and i want you to be with me.

sent

dude, i just hope you don't get confused on what you really feel and what you really want. You just broke up. You had a number of years shared. I'd be happy to start a new chapter with you, but i can't have anything with you if you're still not certain with what you want. No hard feelings. No strings attached. I've got my own baggage. I'd just want you to be happy.. Promise.

I'm not here to mess up your mind or your feelings.. I'm just here for you.. Whatever you'd want to do with it would be under your discretion.

You promised you'd reply. You didn't. I'm not the type of person who has that much confidence who'd think that another person would appreciate me as i am. I'm taking a risk and so are you. If you're not ready to jump, how much more me. I've been tired of mind games. All i ask for is truth and honesty. Nothing more. I've been hurt a lot of times and sometimes i believe i'm numb. But there's nothing i can do. Maybe i'm just someone you'd appreciate when i'm there, but when i am, there's nothing really different.

I Should Tell You Lyrics

ROGER
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it

MIMI
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet - to be in it
I should tell you

ROGER
I should tell you

MIMI
I should tell you

ROGER
I should tell you

MIMI
I should tell I blew the candle out just to get back in

ROGER
I'd forgotten how to smile until your candle burned my skin

MIMI
I should tell you

ROGER
I should tell you

MIMI
I should tell you

BOTH
I should tell you,
Well here we go
Now we-

MIMI
Oh no

ROGER
I know - this something is, here goes-

MIMI
Here goes

ROGER
Guess so, it's starting to-
Who knows-

MIMI
Who knows

BOTH
Who knows where?
Who goes there?
Who knows?
Here goes?
Trusting desire - starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging - a shoulder a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go now we-

ROGER
Oh no

MIMI
I know

ROGER
Oh no

BOTH
Who knows where - who goes there?
Here goes-
Here goes-
Here goes-
Here goes-
Here goes-
Here goes-

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hmpf!

i had something written already..

and i closed it accidentally without posting..

this just proves that i picked the right song for the day..

Bad Day
Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out
Wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that
Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You see what you like
And how does it feel, one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

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insane

i'm not sure what i'm doing righ now..

i can't even predict what i'll do next. i can't reason out why i did those things.. i'm going insane. maybe being numb is driving me mad.

actually, if i will step back and look at the things i've been doing, i'd even ask myself why am i doing these things.. they don't even add up!

well, it's closing time..

and i know who i want to take me home..

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from now on..

okay, i'll admit i'm not the best person to trust when it comes to keeping her word.. specially my promises to myself. but here goes..

i'll stop hurting. i'll let the numbness take over me.

bad.. maybe. but again it would be helpful for my "healing process". although, i have to admit that it's not yet time to think about it. it's actually rude to think about it already, but i just can't help to..

a lot of changes will take place. from my end at least. it would be too much to expect changes from the other side.

i'd like to put in a lot, specially to understand more why the picture, but then again.. "friends" took the best of me.. haay..

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iris

this has been my song for a long time. i was actually surprised i haven't entered it here yet.. so, here goes..

iris
goo goo dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

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cyclone loop

i had just went through the cyclone loop. but a lot of bumps and bruises are still on the way. i was about to jump out of this roller coaster ride but i think it would hurt more than just waiting for it to stop, although of course after the ride i'd be so dizzy it would be so hard to walk straight up. both ways i know i'd end up having broken bones.

.. it's again getting hard to breathe. the pain in the chest.. the swollen eyes.. and the numb body. the next loop might be too big for me to handle and i might get thrown out of the ride. physics. i might not notice it until after i feel the warmth of fresh blood coming out of me.

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still thinking..

i'm not sure what really happened.

i can't even answer simple questions anymore. questions that are supposed to be very easy to answer because i was there. i can remember the words, everything that we talked about and the funny conclusion we came to reach. but somehow there still seems to be questions left unanswered. things that i'm not sure what. my eyebrows are still crunched up together and i still have that little pout that tells my mom i'm deep in thought.

i was about to make a mistake awhile ago, just because i had time to think. okay, at least now i can admit that it will be a mistake if i've gone through with the idea.

again, waiting.. for answers.. for things to happen.

i can't describe or figure out what i'm feeling right now or what i'm supposed to feel after everything that has happened.

i'm not confused.. it seem to be the wrong word to use.

are there regrets? i'm also not certain. but also i still can't think of things that i should have done. and so far, i'm really quick when it comes to things like these..

ah.. yes.. there was this question i think i should have asked. but then again that would be too rude and hurting.. and the whole situation already hurts a lot. so, maybe it's just right that i didn't think of it that time.

come to think of it, he gave me the answers to some questions i'm still asking right now.. it doesn't really give me a smile plastered across my face, but it gives a tug in my heart.. in a good way..

yeah, i guess i should really work out on this just being happy thing. eventually, things will turn out the way it's supposed to, right?!

i know saying eventually would again put me in the waiting state.. but what the heck.. i should get used to it by now..

ha! what do you know.. "Torn" is playing the radio.. nice..

RENThead

over time..

Flash Slideshow

staying

so, i was not meant to face my reflection.

i'm okay now.. living my motto.. expecting the worst but not expecting.. i'm still waiting but it doesn't feel as bad.

i have to go to ortigas tomorrow.. i have a job offer! at last! woohoo! haay.. thank you Lord!

well, i just sang this song in my head.. with no apparent reason.. this is from "RENT".

Take Me Or Leave Me - RENT

Maureen:
Every single day,
I walk down the street
I hear people say: "Baby's so sweet!"
Ever since puberty
Everybody stares at me,
Boys, girls I can't help it, baby.
So be kind, and don't lose your mind
Just remember, that I'm your baby

Take me for what I am!
Who I was meant to be!
And if you give a damn,
Take me baby,Or leave me!

Take me baby or leave me!

Maureen:
A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun.
This diva needs her stage, baby,
Let's have fun!
You are the one I choose,
Folks would kill to fill your shoes!
You love the limelight too now, baby!
So be mine, and don't waste my time
Cryin', "Oh honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?"

Take me for what I am!
Who I was meant to be!
And, if you give a damn,
Take me baby, or leave me!

No way, can I be what I'm not!
But hey, don't you want your girl hot?
Don't fight, don't loose your head,
'Cause every night who's in your bed?
Who? Who's in your bed?
Spoken: Kiss Pookie?!

Joanne:
It won't work!
I look before I leap.
I love margins and discipline.
I make lists in my sleep, baby.
What's my sin?
Never quit.
I follow through.
I hate mess but I love you.
What to do with my impromptu baby?
So be wise, 'cause this girl satisfies,
You got a prize, but don't compromise
You're one lucky baby!!!

Joanne: Take me for what I am!
Maureen: Control freak!
Joanne: Who I was meant to be!
Maureen: A snob yet over attentive!
Joanne: And, if you give a damn!
Maureen: A loveable droll, geek!
Joanne: Take me baby or leave me!
Maureen: And anal retentive!

Both: That's it!
Joanne: The straw that breaks my back!
Both: I quit!
Joanne: Unless you take it back!
Both: Women,
Maureen:What is it about them?
Both: Can't live, with them or without them!

Chorus:
Both: Take me for what I am
Joanne: Who I was meant to be
Maureen: Who I was meant to be
and, if you give a damn
Joanne: and if you give a damn you better
Take me baby, or leave me
Maureen: Take me baby, take me or leave me
Both: Take me baby or leave me
Spoken: Guess I'm leaving, I'm gone!

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in front of the mirror

tomorrow i'll face the mirror and i'm not sure what i'll see and what i'll look like when i start to walk away..

i have this picture in mind that i would see when i go in front and when i turn around.. but being the sarcastic person that i am, i won't be surprised if i'd see otherwise..

i'm nervous.. afraid.. i don't know what to think and do..

haaay.. i again, can't have a decent deep breath..

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stagnant roller coaster

i'm still clueless on what step to take..

but so far things are just getting worse but partly looking up.. does that make me just go back to where i was?!

i kind of know what to do when things come. but i'm presented with new worries and woes. so, i'm not sure if there's improvement. maybe i'm just still in the same state but not exactly on the same spot.

i don't want to take the matters into my own hands anymore.. it just makes me expect more. expect the worst but don't expect.

i've gotten over the expecting the unexpected state. but it still makes me think. a lot actually.

i'll just go where my shoes take me.. hahaha!

laughter has always been the best facade for me. the smiles. behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.

my chest still hurts.. i'm not sure if that's because of my heart or my lungs.. ha! can't breathe.. or can't live.. ?!?

i'm just wishing that one day i'd be able to write here without these feelings.

happy or sad, i can't say..

still waiting for things to unfold on its own so that i would be able to know the next part of the story.

impatience has always been my weakness. i really hate to wait.. actually that's making me sick.

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oblivion

there are things you just want to forget.. but at the same time you can't stop but reminisce those moments and seconds..

i'm on a drinking streak and i don't want to break it.. i feel like i don't want to break it but i'm not sure if i'd be able to afford it since i still have final exams coming up. but as of this moment i don't. regardless of who i'm with or what i'm drinking as long as i do..

there are actions and words that you would want to take back but you know you can't..

there are reasons for these actions and words that you have within your grasp but don't really want to know and admit that this is why all of these are happenning.

i'm at fault. and i don't know what to do about it. i could always think of the right things to do, the things that are expected of me to do, and the things that i'm not exaclty sure of.. now i'm thinking, maybe i should not give it that much thought.

i'm waiting for things to happen, things that i'm almost a hundred percent certain that won't happen. but i'm here waiting. hoping against hope? i'm not sure.. expecting? not exactly. i don't know..

confusion may be the apt word for everything that's been going on, but there's this sense of certainty in every emotion, action and words that saying that they're out of confusion would be telling a lie..

it would be nice to have someone to talk these with. without the fear of misunderstanding. but right now, there's no such person.. well, not that i know of..

i don't know what to do, what to want, what to expect, what to feel, what?!

"easy to fall, hard to forget" one of my many ailments.. i'm wondering now, how would i be able to reach the state of oblivion and when..

how do you stop yourself from believing something even if you know it's not true? i mean why do i keep on believing things that i know is not true? and how do you stop from believing?

one day, i'd forget everything..

one day, i'd be able to know the answers to my questions..

one day, i'd know what to do..

one day, i'd forget everything..

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